Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Vote for Linh - College Photo Competition



http://news.sou.edu/photo/

I participated in a photo contest in SOU :) Please vote for my pictures, it means a lot for me. Each and everyone of you inspires me to capture these precious moment we share

there are 5 pictures
1. Umbrella (featuring Kelsey Lyn Ensminger ) #38
http://news.sou.edu/photo/2011/01/11/38/

2. Pride Parade #37
http://news.sou.edu/photo/2011/01/11/37/

3. Water shoot (featuring Mohammed Alghareeb )#36
http://news.sou.edu/photo/2011/01/11/36/

4. Crater Lake trip (featuring ISA) #35
http://news.sou.edu/photo/2011/01/11/35/

5. SOU Fall'10 (featuring myself) #34
http://news.sou.edu/photo/2011/01/11/34/

Simply "thumb up" the picture

For some reasons my entry was lost thus it was updated later than all the other pictures
I am at loss right now, since other pictures have already been voted up close to 120 thumb up :(
Your help means a lot to me

Thank you so so very very much

 Please help me ask your friends, and your friends' friends to vote for me, only if they like my pictures :) 

Help me spread the words, I really appreciate your help

love,

My-Linh Phan

Christin


I wonder why every time I call out her name, I have this strong sense of security. But at this very moment, something else overwhelms me. It is not the pride and happiness which I always feel for her, but rather regret.

If only I could turn back the hand of time and do something right… I wish I could have… I wish I would have… I wish she would…

She was someone I would and I did distance myself from, someone who possesses an unwelcoming face, a rare smile, a grumpy “stay-away-from-me” aura. That was Christin of two years ago. I remember rolling my eyes if I met her on my way out of the hostel, during my sec 4 year. “It’s so going to rain, or something bad is surely going to happen” I used to tell myself each time I faced the sleepy and unfriendly Christin in the morning. Well, after two times being caught in the rain, not to mention losing my favorite book in the bus, I concluded that she was indeed my sign of unluckiness. 

I thought I knew it all, yet I did not know the miracle of life…was about to happen. I did not know on that fateful night, she and I, like two parallel lines would cross, we talked from 10 till 3. I did not know I would come to trust her and rely and her and NOT being let down even once. I also could not predict that in my future, she would be the one who scold me so much, force me to sleep early, also the one who was so skinny, so small in size would protect me from harm. Nor did I know soon in the future there would be more going out, gossiping, whispering, caring, hugging and studying till morning between me and her…

Yet all these things I thought would never happen actually came true. Whenever I think about it, I think about us, and I think about my life in 2008, she was better than my favorite dish in Aston, she was better than my silky black dress in Asean Dance, better than the Great Singapore Sale, better than musicals and movies. SHE WAS THE BEST SURPRISE LIFE BROUGHT ME...
And one of the WORST PEOPLE THAT HAD TO WALK AWAY FROM ME…
(Don’t worry she is just leaving from Australia, a better place, less stress, better shopping opportunities… better looking guys…)

Above all. I would never believe that her leaving us would bring this much agony, this much anger, this much helplessness and despair out of me.
Then I learn she was indeed a blessing I was so lucky to have. I hate her so much for being Christin. Hate her because she would scold the hell out of you but will care for you till the very end. Hate her because she would slap me pink so that I would wake up from my foolishness and stupidity. She acts as if she would not give a damn but indeed she was the MOST KAPO person among us and cares the MOST about those she loves. She is the most ridiculous girl I ever know who loves so much, cares so much, sacrifices so much yet unable to ever say the 3 simple words “I LOVE YOU”. I hate her most for she watches funny clips whenever her heart is shattered so that she can laugh and hold back her tears. Hey Christin, do you know how hard it is for me to watch you like that? How can I tell you, it is OK to cry in front of me, to scream and to scold, to cry without holding back? How can I ever tell you that, it’s not weak to cry… it’s human and you are not the supergirl you think you have to be. How can I let you know that you should act according to your feelings, not opposite?

This is my Christin. I wonder if I had told her how much I sincerely love her and how much I thank her for all she has done for me, for the strength she gave, for her slow… very slow reaction to dirty joke that never fails to make me laugh whole heartedly. I wonder if she knows how important she is to me and how hard it is going to be without her, with me fighting all these battle namely A-level and you-know-who-and-who-and who… alone. I also wish she knew I felt freaking happy and honor when she voluntarily hugged me (haha, she, who hates it so much)and when she came to me and cried. 
When I am in Vietnam, her text messages were my friend. Yet I cannot even meet her before she leaves Singapore. I cannot even lend her a hand to unpack and pack her 8 boxes into 6, share the joy of throwing away A-level notes and that few moments with her. I wish I had hugged her just a while longer before she left. 
So, farewell, my dear Christin! Though us, being schoolmates is short, it’s is only the very very beginning of our friendship. When I say friends I really mean it, I will do WHATEVER IT TAKES, to see you again and of course attend your wedding (whoever you marry, haha, bad bad luck him). 

If I ever do anything wrong that let you down, I am truly sorry. I am also sorry for not my prejudice (I wish I had become your friend 1 or 2 years before). And I am sorry for years to come when we are apart, I cannot be there for you whenever you need me. But I wish you good friends, happiness, success in life and above all love. INNOVA will never be the same without you but I promise I will stay cool ;), keep u update haha. I will do my best, beat that girl to top school in art ;) like you always said, make sure that stupid X of yours won’t do silly stuff (like dating Su) and keep my promise to meet u soon.
So girl, LIVE STRONG, we always do, ‘cuz we are CHRISTIN & MY LINH
We love and take care of ourselves, and we stay true to our Colors.
No matter what
You are my friend
Glad to have been there for u, and VERY indeed, VERY glad to know u ;)

19 random things about me

#1. In 2008, my weekend plan is simple. Either RUAM, FERINA or ALONE. Which makes me, pretty much a loner. When it comes to weekend, I am very calculative. If you don’t have that much time to have fun, why don’t u choose the BEST people?

#2. I can put my life in the hands of 2 girls: INDORA AND RUAM…Though I love Ferina madly, putting my life in her hands is a big NO no, haha. The rest, nope nope no no, CHRISTIN is also this one amazing friend whom I can surely trust, but yeah, due to her compulsive shopping nature haha, we will go bankrupt very soon together. 

#3. I consider a movie and dinner night a PATHETIC date and Orchard for a date is another huge NO NO to me. (Fer sure knows about this) What melts my heart? Well, something else, which I won’t tell u. Figure it out urself… u will be surprised how simple (only in case you actually bother haha)

#4. Up to now, I have 1 official boyfriend, one puppy love and that’s it. Many people think I am in a LOT of relationships, oh well, I am good at deceiving. But the truth is, I don’t need a bf to make me look good or feel good about myself. When it comes to relationship, I am very serious

#5. Never been kissed

#6. My walls of my room in Hanoi are made of book shelves, and Yes, I love reading. Marc Levy is my favorite (if you are still sticking around with Nicholas Spark’s corny all-so-predictable collection, well, it would be great to open up your eyes and bring your sentimental sense to a higher level)

#7. If there is a choice between lover and friends, which will you choose?
How about none? ‘Cuz if he loves me, he would not make me choose. And dude, if u are, truly my friends, and u know I am nuts about this guy, would u give me your blessing? If u can’t have the heart to give me the assurance that u will still love me, no matter who I date… Um, are u really my friend?
When Fer said: “I’m happy for u” when she was almost close to tears (bursting laughter) (it was a joke but Fer kinda believed that I had a weird, very weird bf), I know, if she is my friend through thick and thin. Someone who won’t lock me out of her life just because I date a freak she can’t approve ( and btw, I would rather date an interesting unique freak than just an ordinary boring guy with an Orchard-Food Court-Cathay date)


#8. I am not a soft toys or useless-stuff person (so yeah, thx but no thx I don’t wish to have soft toys for my 20th birthday). I used to adore them so much I had a collection of them (enough to fit a small room). I believe in having a relationship, a kinda connection with objects around me, not to mention soft toys. One day, I just found out that I had become too busy that I could not spend that time with any of my soft toys ( and they took up ALL the space I had on my bed). I can’t keep something or someone without loving them. Like storing soft toys or useless stuff to get all the dust in the world…. So I gave them almost all away for the younger girls who will give my soft toys the love and attention I can’t, who will talk to my soft toys, hold them dear to hearts.
When you can’t bring someone the love they deserve, no matter how much you want to hold them back. Let them go. 

#9. I was home schooled for all my kindergarten life.

#10. I like to hang out with older people, or should I say, people with great life experience, a story to share or maturity. I once had a friend who was 60+ when I was 16. He has a rock band in Vietnam, performed in Press Club. He wrote a song for me, just that I was NEVER old enough to attend his concert (M18). But yeah, we did have great time talking to one another, out of the blue. And btw, I love talking to strangers who are not so strange.

#11 Wherever I go, I have a small book of Xuan Quynh's poems in my bag, just to remind me of many things that are indeed important in life.I love & write poems but no one has ever read them... Cuz the person that inspired me, would never be able to hear it. I read Vietnamese poem to Angeline, an Indonesian human wanna be (jk I love u) and she actually loves them.

#12. I will write a book, a fiction, a love story. I have started and will finish it before I am 21

#13. I don't care what people say about me. And I wont change myself JUST TO BE WHAT PPL WANT METO BE. 'Cuz if I do that, I will be JUST LIKE THEM. It does not hurt when ppl who I have no idea how they are related to my reality gossip about me. It ONLY hurt when those I truly love misunderstand me. (Jule thx for being there. Vivi, Ruam, thx for always letting me know, u understand me MORE than anyone could)

#14. I am pathetic in sport. If yoga counts, then yeah, I am still very pathetic

#15. I dream to tour around the South East Asia countries with my best friends to visit my friends. Thailand for RUAM, Indo-Jakarta for FERINA, FANIE; Indo-Medan haha for the SC GANG: INDORA, CHRISTIN, MICHELLE, CINDY, ANJELINE, DOLDO...; Indo-BANDUNG for yes, of course, LINTANG,; Indo-BALI for PUTU and BAM; Philippines for him and CANDICE BALETE, ZIP; Malaysia for CHRISTABEL and VANESSA CHIN...

#16. I modeled when I was a kid. Fashion show, pretty lights... 

#17. I dont turn my head around to see a handsome guy (who cares?) but I will definitely turn my whole body around JUST to adore a VESPA. I have 1, Vespa (Spring ) blue and white. when u have a vespa, it is not about looking "cool" with it, it is much more about loving it, loving a sick, easily breakdown person... Once u know ur Vespa well, this is when u experience true love. 

#18. When I was 18, I had it all and lost it all. 

#19. I love my parents, I still say "love u, mom" before we end our conversation. I love my cousins, all of them: NGoc, Bi, Hon, Trang, Giang, Duy, Co, Tung... I think they are really really talented and extremely cool yet insane and fun to be with. I am blessed to have and be loved them. Dear, no matter where u are, what mistakes u make, what weird decision, strange lover u have, I support u as long as u are happy


Just some stuff about me. Not much, not enough for u to understand me inside out. Right now, I just wish, I have enough courage and determination to study and get into a GREAT university. I am not perfect, but I have grown to love my imperfection. This is me and who I am, I thank YOU for all that you have done. 

1. Thank YOU, those who love me no matter what. Friends are for life. Little things you do may have saved me from falling down, little smile you gave, tiny touch, a sweet blink, a small notes... all these engrave in my heart and forever, eternally thankful

2. Thank YOU, whose who hurt, who misunderstand and gossip.I thank YOU who bother to break me down and make my life miserable. If I had not met u, I would not be the tough girl I am today, I would never be able to hold my head high no matter what. I guess u must care about me enough to do all these. And for all that misery u brought, I thank you

20 people i love

Pick 20 friends from your list and write 20 statements in random order about each friend without mentioning their name. Tag them in the note. If you've been tagged, tag the person who tagged you and 19 others and list 20 things about the people you've tagged. Copy and paste this message before your list

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER!!




1. She. She was someone I hated to the core. Some crazy nuts who is extremely messy and germie ;) She possesses a funny brain which is smaller than her b**bs, definitely. It does not function when we talk about math. Yet when it comes to humanities subjects, it reveals its freaky self. I hated her for she 1, was a cheerleader 2, acted like a cheerleader 3, thought like a cheerleader, 4. Screamed with her high pitch voice AS a cheerleader. Now she still 1, is a cheerleader 2, acts like a cheerleader 3, thinks like a cheerleader and 4, yeah, still screams as a cheerleader (this is NOT 1 2 3 4 love); but certainly, I start to see more in her (rather than her b**bs) as a batch mates, as a friend. Hate to say I love someone I hated. I wonder with that special brain she has, she would understand I enjoy being mean and laughing at her as much as caring and appreciating her goodness. Yes, Germie, we better top Lit to honor Miss Lin.

2. He. He is funny he is caring he is another nut cases which I care much about. A true brother who is totally non-blood related. He never failed to surprise me with every present he gave, everything that he does. Up till this moment, I still look at my 19th bday present with massive confusion and of course, with a broad smile. He is in love and I am extremely happy that he finds true happiness in her eyes. I strongly believe he will grow up into a man whom every man respects and every woman desires. Why do I know that? Simply b’cuz: he is my brother, right?

3. She. She does not LOOK like a teacher; she does not ACT like a teacher. Yet she is one of the best teachers I have ever had. I miserably failed Literature in EVERY single assignment back then in SCGS (by the way, we came from the same secondary school), not knowing why. When she became my teacher, I started so see things beyond black and white. When I got the 1st A in Literature, I was floating among the clouds. I guess she did not know, she had indeed, fulfilled her dreams in IJC. What she did, she salvaged such students as me, as Germie… And for the 1st time in my life, I wanted to be a teacher, too. Someone who is a friend, a sweet provider, a all-so-excited lit appreciator, a mice killer… a special teacher, just like her.

4. She. In plain English, I love her. She is the combination of all the blessing in the world, just like her name. She would appear whenever I am in the lowest point of my life, like an angel. She teaches me kindness, forgiveness and for one more time, she makes me believe that true best friendship prevails. I love the way she smiles, the way she treats those utter losers who did not even appreciate her from the 1st place. She who never thought she is AT ALL special, AT ALL talented, AT ALL smart and AT ALL kind, is actually, the smartest, kindest, most talented person in my eyes. When she smsed me: “when you are sad, I’m sad too” I finally learn there is actually soul mate in this world. Someone who knows you like no others, yet love you like no others. I found mine, on that particular faithful night when my world collapsed, and I was in despair. I guess you are the gift from heaven, the angel who is sent, to save the remaining goodness in me.

5. He. He was the reason for my laughter and tears, “my North, my South, my East and West/ My working week and Sunday rest”. He brought happiness and love into my life, opened up all the windows and showed me the world in a totally different angle. He was silly, he was childish, he was mature, he was THE one. Silly enough to go all the way to learn Vietnamese and how to ride a Vespa just because I said I would not marry anyone who can’t. Thoughtful and crazy enough, he proposed to me when he was barely 19 and me 18. When I was with him, I was myself, 17, not 70, I dare reveal my stupidity. I dare let down my hair and try to experience life… He evoked in me the most indescribable feeling, the mixture of total secured, total trust, madly in love and I became a true believer in fairy tale. When he slipped into the eternal sleep, I was in despair. It is true: “We die with the dying/ See, they depart, and we go with them/ We are born with the dead” I was reborn, into someone new, someone who would not compromise on anything less than true love, who appreciates life and lives for the moment. I thank him for loving me for who I was, with all the flaws and making me, who I am today. Dearest, we will meet again, I believe, somewhere over the rainbow… way up high. 

6. They. They are 10 people I was blessed to have. 10, of all different characters, of all different dreams and desires. One of them claims to be THE MOST SELFISH yet, she cares the most for everyone. She is crazy she is pretty, she could hardly commit to anyone and any job (apart from committing crimes). She would spend hours making sure all of us look petty and left alone herself looking like a mess. Another is an artist, who is sweet and cute. Who is a push-over when she is in good mood and the totally opposite once in a blue moon. One of them is so freaking smart we wonder where she gets her brain from. She is our family’s pride and of course more than all that. . . I wish they knew, I love them as brothers and sisters, as friends for life. Sincerely from my heart, I hope for all the very best to come, all the happiness and luck for them.

7. She. She is haughty, she is unfriendly, she is slow when it comes to dirty jokes, and extremely insensitive, a true mafia who could leave her 5 finger mark on anybody who dares offend her… Who cares? I love her regardless for her dignity, strength and sincere.

8. He. He came from the past, the past that whenever I looked back, I could smile again and again. He was my true best friend, someone I understood too much up to a point, I finally realized the only thing I was sure about him was the fact that I did not understand him at all. Now we truly drift apart. Like living in the same box without acknowledging the existence of the other party, I know we can never go back to the past where we were. But your image in my memory will remain fresh and pure through the test of time. I wish u strength and bravery, to live with your inborn goodness, which I know u posses. I wish you knew, every moment with you, was the moment I treasured. As if it was just yesterday, we exchanged silly notes to one another and talked about the girl u loved in the middle of Civic lesson, Ngo Si Lien, Hanoi, once upon a time. 

9. She. Come to think about it, she is the silliest best friend I ever had. A true Big Pink Loser in most people eyes, yet a totally adorable, honest, creative freak in my heart. We can walk and walk and talk and talk about almost everything and anything. From the total jerks we used to have a crush on and now loathe, to the most serious topic: our dreams. She is indeed, lame, absurd. But I enjoy every bit of her insanity. "cuz what shines in her is her sincerity and kind heart. Darling, I want to see my future, with u. I want to go for exhibition not with you but BY you, OF you. I want to see u success, live in style. Must I say: I love u?

10. She. It would be more appropriate if I met her in the ZOO, not in Innova JC or Oldham Hall. She can scream like a jungle of monkeys, be shameless like an elephant, strong like a buffalo, fast like a zebra (taking about bra haha, she is as flat as the wall of the zoo) But of course, I love her like elephant loves NUTS lol for all that she is and the fact that she cares. 

11. She. She is NOT JUST and AHM who will make sure that you come back on time, sleep in your room at correct hour. She is NOT JUST the lady whose smile can bright up your gloomy day. She is NOT JUST someone who cares about your anything and everything. She is THE one we all love and adore. When I am with her, it’s just like I am with a best friend. I wish I would grow up into someone like her, someone with such a warm, opening heart. I wish her happiness and above all love. I don’t know much about the world outside Oldham Hall door, but whoever ends up sharing his life with her, must be the luckiest man on earth. Pray that he will find her, soon.

12. She. What can I say? She is one of the most important people that change my life. She is like the refreshing wind that take me away from all my “why, huh? What? How come”. I absolutely admire her free spirit and spontaneous nature. This moment she can be screaming on the top of her lung on the highest building of Singapore, yet the next moment, she can just be sitting lazily and quietly in some corner of a café shop at midnight. She taught me to breath, touch and taste life, not just stand and stare at it. When I am with her, I enjoy getting lost, traveling, cooking and learning to make handmade cards. Dearest, I will always remember u and me and the tiny room in Oxford, how we used to share ¼ of the KFC meal, walked under this tiny umbrella and how you comfort me as we continuously got lost on our way back.. Though we are really far apart, but I truly wish one day, we will be able to bag pack together again. I adore and admire u so much. May the stars watch over you! 

13. She. A caretaker of many other Emovians. The one who would iron Ivan’s uniform, talks to Andika when he turns emo, bakes cookies for all of us during valentine day. And yet in my eyes, she is just this silly, crazy friend who OMG, she is turning 20. 

14. She. My ex roommate. My YUMMY YUMMY DEARY DEARY ROOM MATE, who is my caretaker. She would make sure (damn sure) that I ate properly, I slept enough, that I did not cry too much thinking about him. She would go out with me ONLY when both of us faked MC. This fluffy roommate I had, by far, has been the best ever. We can talk about her favorite topic: FOOD and got out of bed almost immediately to cook something together. I wish she knows, that over here in this air-con room, with my sarcasm unappreciated I miss her like mad

15. She. The only ABSOLUTELY morally correct soul left in the whole entire world. A respectable young lady who would never go against her words (I am so happy she said she loved me). The perfect daughter/ student that parents and teacher dream of. She is one of my best friends in Singapore. She will stand strong when all collapses. She will simply smile believing, bad things happen for a reason and they will all be gone. I wish her love, knowing well, such a girl like her will be loved as she deserved. So much love and respect from all those around her.

16. She. She is the only truly kind Singaporean friend previously from my secondary school, When I learned that actually she is from Hong kong, I was like ...no wonder lol. She is a maniac when we talk about fashion. She is someone who lives in style, being judged for living in style yet, still brave enough to remain true to herself. Way to go, girl. Now we don't share the same table for lesson any more. I wish u all the best and GET WELL SOON! 

17. She. Thousands miles away from one another, millions (and still counting) differences that could have separated us apart. Yet, even when she is OVER THERE in the USA, with her new life, new habits and I am OVER HERE in Singapore, with my new world, new challenges, I believe once together, our friendship will still be the same. Just like the good old days, maybe better. maybe better than best.

18. She. My present roommate, well not directly but soon to be. She is moody and nutty. She can be extremely nice and extremely startled, easily mad. Yet, in those horrible moments I encounter recently, all I can remember is her hug, her nonsensical yet extremely heartwarming conversation. Knowing that she and THEY will be there, right behind my back to watch out for me makes me appreciate this rare friendship across all culture and religion boundaries

19. She. Being friend with her taught me to grow up, be patient and kind (which is rarely seen in me). She is this SOMEONE to care for, someone to motivate, to make sure she knows her own value. Talented, smart (inborn clever), a great singer with a beautiful face, I wonder if she sees herself in the mirror the way we see her. 'Cuz if she does, I would be damn sure, she would not hurt herself that much. Guess what? I adore u, though u are just another nut case. Take care of urself, as u are no longer near us. Take care of my little darling. She is fab and awesome, just that she need to learn to LOVE. starting from herself.

20. Them. They are the fairy tale of my life. They are in love, in such pure and overwhelming love that I could just sit quietly around the house, listening to their everyday conversation, wondering how such love prevails after all difficulties in life. Yes, 20 years +6 has passed and yet he still sings "first love" as her bday gift every year, never forgets to sms her night night when he is away, and of course, roses for even not so special occasions. For who they are and how they fall for one another, once again, I have faith in life, in love, in true love even after marriage, after all, said and done
The couple I admire

My DBSK

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 20 people including me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song titles. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "My Life According to (BAND NAME)" '


My DBSK


Pick Your Artist:
DBSK ( I miss u)

Are you a male or female?
Wicked Woman (Are you a good girl?)

Describe yourself:
"Eternally Sweet" - T_____T jk
"I can't put into words"... i.e "Mirotic"

How do you feel:
"Ha Ha Ha"

Describe where you currently live:
"Magic Castle"

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
"Let's go home on foot" or actually I want to go back to the "Forgotten seasons"

Your favourite form of transportation:
"Taxi" ? Not really "Drive" ??? - ok "footsteps"

Your best friends are:
"Crazy Love" lol "Hug"
"You're my miracle"

Your favourite colour is:
"Ever green" and "kiss the baby sky"

What's the weather like:
"Rainy Blue"

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
"WILD SOUL"

What is life to you:
"Travel Log"

Your current relationship:
"12:34 Nothing better" - "Survivor" ("Love after love")
i.e: I am single and happy

Breaking up:
"Love bye love"... "Holding back the tears"... "Insa" ..."Hey! Don't bring me down!"

Looking for:
"My destiny" / "Somebody to love" or simply ... "Tea for two"

Wouldn’t mind:
"The way you are" and "White lies"

Your fear:
"Dangerous mind"

What is the best advice you have to give:
"Share the world"

If you could change your name, you would change it to:
"Xiahtic" lol jk

Thought for the Day:
O"-正.反.合. ("O" - Jung.Ban.Hap.)

How I would like to die:
Kiss Shita Mama, Sayonara

My motto:
"Believe [믿어요]" in "Rising sun"

for Fatty, the master of the house

it was a cat and you give it a name
it was a cat and you shower it with love - for the love it returns was no less, perhaps more than you could ever imagine
... and before you know it, there is no longer a cat, a dog, an ob_ect
he then has a name, a meaning, a space in your heart. 
And you suddenly wonder how ridiculously hard at first it was to let him in your heart, to open the door and greet him with warmth 
this is the story of a cat who became Fatty, U' and above all, this is the story of the very special one I love.

For you Fatty, my dear 
your elegy

---

when that particular cat came to my family, it was white, skinny and scared. That was all I could remember. For an only child like me, who never had a pet before, this experience was as new. I remembered we sat in front of one another. It stayed in second floor, hid behind the chair and stole one or two glances at the unfamiliar house - while I crossed my legs, sat on the floor, reached out my hands with hesitance. We were both scared of scratches and unkindness. We were both worried about re_ection. What was the difference? Fatty and I? We were two kids who desired love from the other party 

when that particular cat came into the family - we never knew how much we learned to open our heart, to love, to care. However, now looking back, it was not what we give but what we received from him that makes us all the better people. He would always wait till the last member of the family go to sleep before he truly drifted into the lala land. He would guard the house, scare strangers off and watch out for mom's wallet - which made me wonder if Fatty had an identity crisis, an illusion of him being a dog. He would crawl into my laps and let me hold him for a longer while, till I stopped crying, till I miss my particular some one less, till the pain that was weighing down my heart subsided. He would do hundreds and million things that annoyed the craps out of me. But every single thing that he made me a little too dramatically upset is every single gigantic thing I would miss and long for.

We could make him stay, but the doctor estimates, Fatty cannot hold on any much longer. Thinking about the needle and the pain he's suffering and our selfish longing, the imprisoned love -  we decide to let him go. Once again, we all realize that Fatty has taught us the most valuable lesson of all: to love with all our heart, but when it's the right time. we should let go.  So Mom's watching every breath he takes now... cuz every breath he takes can be his last. 'Cuz tomorrow when dad comes home from work, he would be greeted with an empty house. And in the future, when I return from the States, no matter how hard I call out his name: Fatty will no longer rush down the stairs, miss a few steps, land on his butt, make me laugh, stick all his white hair on my black coat... I would not be able to say with confidence: "Fatty will scratch your face off" to all those people I dislike very very much as if Fatty is my guardian angle. He would not be able to do every single little thing we love and hate about him. 

 I will remember today, December 24th, when I captured the last picture of fatty through Skype. it was blurry and he was too weak to stand up and walked near the laptop, too weak to mess up the keyboard and type whatever like usual. My mother has already arranged for his departure once he decides to go to the other side of the world. Fatty will rest next to grandma - so he will be loved even in heaven.

Because after all, it was no ordinary cat. He was no ordinary cat. He was Fatty. and for the simple fact that he was Fatty, he made everything different. He completes our family, in an unique way no one and nothing can.
Because we love him and he became Fatty. and Fatty - he, was the master of the house, the younger brother of mine, the dear kid mom and dad go home for when I am away, the perfect companion when i cry... he was everything we ever wanted - and someone who held this family so close so dear together.

I wonder if we love him because he was Fatty or he was Fatty because we love him
but it doesn't matter, dear :) even when you are not around anymore, you don't vanish. As long as mom, dad and I and the thousands of people who know us - know we love you still remember the 10kg white meaniee cat named Fatty - you are still here, in our heart

for Fatty, I pray, for your departure to the other world with ease. 
rest in peace. 

we love you so so so much, it's killing us to ever see you in pain