Thursday, October 1, 2009

Melting the ice



Remembrance
by Emily Bronte

Cold in the earth—and the deep snow piled above thee,
Far, far removed, cold in the dreary grave!
Have I forgot, my only Love, to love thee,
Severed at last by Time's all-severing wave?

Now, when alone, do my thoughts no longer hover
Over the mountains, on that northern shore,
Resting their wings where heath and fern-leaves cover
That noble heart for ever, ever more?

Cold in the earth, and fifteen wild Decembers
From those brown hills have melted into spring:
Faithful indeed is the spirit that remembers
After such years of change and suffering!

Sweet Love of youth, forgive if I forget thee,
While the world's tide is bearing me along:
Sterner desires and other hopes beset me,
Hopes which obscure, but cannot do thee wrong!

No later light has lightened up my heaven;
No second morn has ever shone for me:
All my life's bliss from thy dear life was given,
All my life's bliss is in the grave with thee.

But when the days of golden dreams had perished,
And even Despair was powerless to destroy,
Then did I learn how existence could be cherished,
Strengthened, and fed without the aid of joy;

Then did I check the tears of useless passion,
Weaned my young soul from yearning after thine;
Sternly denied its burning wish to hasten
Down to that tomb already more than mine.

And even yet I dare not let it languish,
Dare not indulge in Memory's rapturous pain;
Once drinking deep of that divinest anguish,
How could I seek the empty world again?

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The clock is ticking . . . . . Comes 1st of Oct.
Time passes by so fast sometime I wonder if things are real... Flashback from the past burdened my heart. Yet the shocking incident yesterday made me realize: in some part of my shattered and frozen heart: the ice is melting.

I ran across a person from yester-year who once was the world to me. For that split second, I felt no anger, no remorse, no stir... Just a pure calmness of we-pass-by-each-other-so-what? I went back to what I was doing.

Is it true that I have learned to accept hurtful experiences? Is this true that incident from the past can no longer make my heart ache? Or simply because it is life. Because I have tons of things to complete thus my level of tolerance toward absurdity and nonsense has decreased tremendously till I reach this point of callousness, indifference? I know not

But for some reason, I am glad. Knowing the ice is melting, wound of raw love and passion from the past have gently and gradually close its mouth

CLOSED - CLOSE

I still remember things I was taught, but in a grateful way. How many months since the last time we talked... 28th April 2007 ... counting down. In the next fifteen April, I may still remember vividly the way things were, the person I was, the love the ideal and childish utopia I imagined. . .

I never could have imagined, before I could ever write him a love poem, I had already written him an elegy.

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Life as a Cassie
As I promised myself, I did something incredible, I placed my payment for the DBSK DOME concert DVD yesterday, with my own money. ^^ . Ruam, my dearest best friend, an ardent SHINEe lover who is sometime distracted by the hotness of 2PM told me her plan to get to SME as a staff. I laughed my heart out, but with a huge grnt,I think she could really make it, if she wants it badly, enough. Knowing Ruam, maybe one day.

Me and her, and our love for K-pop, our friendship... We have decided our separate ways for the future... We want different things in life, simple as DBSK and SHINEe, to university of choice. I know, we are working hard, at least to get to the same city, or the same state.

"Promise?"
"same city? New York"
-laugh- "Maximum 2 hours away from one another?"
"Promise!"

The thought of us, being able to stand strong together until this moment, after 4 years of hardship, bickering, hurtful rumor... warm my heart.

Ruam... and K-pop... and DBSK are you the gift from above, sent to melt the ice in my heart?

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