Where are you? I whispered ... Did I? Or did I actually scream your name out of despair? I have no idea but for all that I know, it was stuck in my throat, as if I was mute. The complete silence became a deafening sound... The sound only I knew, only I heard. I dried up my tears, held my head high, dressed up more beautifully than as per normal and smiled. When can I stop pretend to be not just ok, but fab; when I am without you?
They talked about me before. They spread rumors, they make up stories of unknown and unreal relationships which they told the whole world that I had. Still I smiled, not even bothered to explain right and wrong. I was too busy, busy gazing upon the glass door, waiting for someone to come. I knew, when he came, that was all that ever mattered. I was like Axon waiting for this unknown lover she knew so well in her dreams. One day he would come, with the Crimson sail soaring in the sky. He actually came for her... He took her hand and that was when all the rumor about this little crazy, insane, girl vanished. People looked at her with different eyes, with admiration and with pity, this time, not for her, but for themselves, those who were never strong enough to live with their inborn goodness...
But you did not come...
Though I believed, and I waited and waited.
So they go on, with new old rumors, with attack from my back. How noble, how brave, as a boy, a man-to-be to even, just attempt to play trick on a girl, from behind? I knew I would be vunerable, prone to be made fun of. But still I lead my life the way I should, as if they were not there, as if their filthy tricks could not touch my heart. Still I smiled at them. 'Cuz there is nothing else I could do and would do. If loving you means I would have to go through all these pains, and even if I knew from the start, that eventually I would never be able to be rescued out of this place by you, I guess, I would still do the same thing, believe the same old fair tale, and love the same guy.
Where are you?
Are you lost in the way? I am holding on to a torch, in the rain. So you will be able to find your way back to me even in the storm. 'Cuz I don't just believe, I know you worth this fight. And I, I deserve your love. Years have gone by, the fire I kept for you distinguished one night when I heard the news, the expected news. I believe you would come if you could. But you couldn't. I wonder why, I still hold on to this torch until now. Though in vain, I still keep the fire in my heart for you, till we meet again, at the end of my restless road.
Life goes on, they go on. I go on. They can go on chanting, smiling, mocking at me. I still go on, smiling as though I don't care, acting as if I don't know what they do, behind my back. I only live once.
Yet this moment, when my world collapse, I called out your name, Aricin, and just like a magic spell, it brings me strength. I stood up, straightened my dress, rebuilt my shattered dreams, walked out of the dark. I smiled
the smile of the undefeatable girl
who was loved, by you
