Perhaps it is really hard to maintain a blog that doesn’t contain a single rant from the blogger. But hey, bloggers are humans and are sentient beings, just like any other homo sapien out in the streets. Well, here’s mine.
It is sometimes unfathomable how friends call you friends with their mouth, and you take their word so seriously you defend them with everything you’ve got. But sadly, it ended up us being the janitors cleaning up the mess our ‘friends’ have created for us. And yet, because they are indeed our friends (regardless whether they see us as tools, toys, or pushovers), we still help them because our conscience egged us to.
Yes, I am indeed the new generation of janitors the world sees today. I do not clean the faeces men and women physically produce every day as a part of their lives. I clean a different kind of manure, less filthy in smell but at least twice as foul as its brown-coloured cousin. I clean the shit people I know throw at me.
Wait, this is different from helping friends doing something. I am a helper, and I love to help my friends with their things, even if sometimes I have a bad feeling about it. But this is completely different from people asking you to help solve the troubles they’ve created. Because of this, I am in an awkward position. I have questions to answer, of which I do not know the exact answer because only the firestarter knows it better than I do. Similar to a janitor, when the supervisor asks how come there’s faeces outside of the toilet bowl. The janitor just shrugs and cleans up the mess anyway, even if that doesn’t belong to the poor janitor.
Until now, I’m still doing my janitorial duties because nobody else is willing to do so. But thankfully, I’ve learnt something important during my work at an IT company for a month. Whatever shit they throw at me, I do not pick them up and treat them as if it’s my own.
These shit aren’t mine. I’ll clean it, but they’re not mine. I will not delve into depression thinking about how these people could do such lowly thing to their own friends (or whatever they call me). I will not allow my emotional stability to be disrupted by troubles that aren’t caused by me in the first place.
Perhaps I should remind myself of this saying from a certain tutor:
If you give me shit, I’ll give you double the shit.
But I guess I’m too nice to return the ‘favour’ anyway.
