Painted my nail Red

I painted my nails red
today
a gentle reminder - that
love hurts - that
somewhere deep down I
do bleed, when the awkward silence
sinks in


Weren't we supposed to be
better than this. No, I mean
much better than this. So that
after I said: "I love you" and you
replied with: "but I love someone else"
We can be sincerely happy for one another
and
both, move on to better places
and new things

But no! You returned to your old shell
the one I bled to crack open - I walked in the rain,
trying to wash away the stained blood so that
I
can return fresh and new.

So I painted my nails red today
so next time when you walk away
I will have the courage to tell you
Stop right there and say what cloud your mind...
Spit it out - try me! I can be hurt by words,
but I would rather words than the silence
treatment. It sends me STRAIGHT to the
loony bin, and I - I don't do well there.

We'll see how things go
but perhaps, I will cowardly dig those red nails deep
into my skin the next time we sit in silence - or
talk nonsense about things that do not matter,
just so when it bleeds, I won't know if it was my
blood, my heart
or the red red crimson red
nail polish...

that smells nasty.

The game we played

that childhood day, we played 

one dangerous game, in a particular way

tear shed, heart broken

Knowing not what were forsaken

I didn’t mind loosing, only if it meant:you’re winning

It’s a mere game, my love - the real thing

But you lost yourself in that cold-blooded rule

Believe it or not, we’re both no body’s fool

It’s the choice we made

It’s my heart you break

remember?

The line we drew - game v.s. truth 

out of chalk, back then, how childish the way we should

now cut me open 

that line was chosen

…

White flag - I lost, I am out of the game

The loser loses it all - Start forgetting my name

remember?

that “forever”

it should have been “never”

believe me, it really should have been “never… ever”

Also human

One more beer, another cheer

Don't you know, I was waiting for you here?

Midnight airport, "It isn't unfair!" - you were too drunk to be there

Because you are a man

It's only natural

One more forgotten promise, our anniversary - was I the only one who cherished?

Weekdays for work - Fri' for sport - Sat' Sun',  god-knows-what - in your picture, where do I fit?

Your eyes wander off - my presence, matter not?

Because you are a man

It's only natural.

Because you are a man

It's only natural: your ego: your best friend

Your ambition: top priority

So what about me?

Because, indeed, before loving you

Before learning by heart all the craps - what a "good" woman "should" feel

Sacrifice - alibi.

Theory aside, I am also human

Human seeks happiness

I long for mutual bliss.

So, calmly gently to your face

- the one I adore, the one I'll never hate

"I have had enough"

"... and I'd love to break up"

Because I am also human

It's only natural

May, '10

I am turning 21

My-Linh's note: 

"Also human" was inspired by this clip above - and a painful story of my classmate, whom I wonder if her decision for happiness has turned from illusion to reality. There have been many lessons taught - double of which are memorized by women, for their own sake. "Don't get jealous, it's not the way" "Be forgiving, he only sleeps with your close friend once" - I feel like laughing my ass off, but in a unbearably bitter manner

Those kinds of pure craps, I have heard, I have seen, I have wondered: where woman's dignity went. To the black hole of man's happiness? To the silence of their deafening despair? Since when the definition of love, sacrifice is this distorted, twisted to the favor of man?

Too many questions and too much silence - I am not in a relationship now - I can look and talk in this manner without an blind eye. But who knows? Who can tell? Who can assure me: that all these actions do not worth it all.

... to some women, it's unbearable "he" is not there.

It isn't love, it's possession. What isn't yours, will never be yours.

"Illusion never changed, into something real" - "Torn"

One fine morning you wakes up - I would not love to see your perfect sky is torn.

Left-over

The leftover
from yesterday dinner...
once, the main course
now what? the leftover
unwanted, undesired.


The left over from yesterday
You don't feel like finishing it
up
Neither are you able to throw it
away
So here it stays


Frozen, in that corner of your abandoned fridge,
Frozen to every fiber of its being, sick to the core
Frozen...


Till some morning
Woken up in your hangover
amazed: one sock in your vomited mess
- of some other "main courses" you couldn't remember


starved!
you will find me then
you will find me then
but I won't be like the
leftover
waiting tirelessly in that corner of the fridge
cold, frozen, dried up
just to warm up your empty stomach today

Hanoi, "winter" in the middle of spring

2010

-sick I am-

rightly wrong

You exhale your favorite line

full of pretentious confidence

"You are 

all 

wrong

...

ALL 

WRONG!"

Insecurely, you point your finger

(the beautiful finger I love)

then burst in your nervous laughter

(the trembling voice that shatters my nerve)

"I can't be wrong...

I can't, I just can't"

And I smile.

brush things aside

"I guess, you are right, I may be wrong

maybe

I am all wrong"

loving you I notice not,

left or right - I care for only your way

night or day - as long as, by my side, you stay.

But one thing I know for sure

I am only all wrong

for loving you this much

***

I don't mind being all wrong

so that you can be all right.

so that you can be alright. 

as long as you are

alright

Toki wo Tomete

Please stop the time...

*****

If I could make the time stand still, could I? should I? would I?

Till this moment I still wonder why

You, insisting on our goodbye

Please stop the time 

If I had magic in my hand

Would I create a miracle? Give us another chance?

Would it stop you from leaving?

Would it return us to the very beginning

Would a while longer make any sense?

Even eternity? when you decided to let go of my hands?

It's OK. I won't try to stop the time

So there -  I won't ask you to stay.

If it's your decision to walk away

Please, let the time flow

for I, I will grow

No matter how devastated I would feel

One day, time will make my heart heal

No matter how far I have to go

One day, sky above the mountain I conquer will no longer snow 

There, on top, I will scream out your name

the one I loved, my source of pain

You chose to leave, me - to grow up
For we both know, enough is enough

It's over

No embrace lasts forever

Don't stop the time