a foreign number
a huge smile on my face
...whisper to the wind
it's gonna be ok
............................
1. on the run
Salty water from the sky soaked my thin jacket. I have been in black ever since. Black, black, blank out. The bursting sound of the alliteration "b" makes me ponder upon certain incidents. I walked in the rain, no rush, no worries, no fuss...
Are you insane?
No, I am not, but I want to be
like we used to be running in the rain, the 4 of us, Christin, Fanie, Cindy and I, running in the rain, splashing heaven's precious tears, completely ignorant of what future might behold.
Now are are not the same, pale and colorless, buried alive underneath the piles and piles of notes. Isn't it tragic? That we desire not the warm sunshine but the rain of the yester-year? the forgone laughters and the innocent games?
I walked against the winds. When the gale is at its peak, I am getting ready for the race now. Get set... The moment the storm embraces my frame, we shall begin. Blood and sweats, tears of victory or failure, all these moments of despair and happiness
were coming back to me. They no longer hurts, or bring me down... Like the sweet reminder of the bitterness I have tasted, they greet me wholeheartedly
4 years... sickening competition, sickening social complains and unreasonable demand, who remember that child with the huge eyes gazing upon Orchard Road, admiring the very place later on she could not wait to get out? I will miss Singapore, I am grateful for this place... but these speeches are redundant now.
till the end of the race
................................................
2. Insa 884
I guess in my small bubble of happiness, my daily dose of serious and nonsensical talk with Cassies, my dearest friends have helped me spread my "insa". I am leaving for a month. Fandom has been great, when Harang is drunk, Tiff is firm enough to make sure doggie does not hum the wrong victim. When Fara and I need to study for exam, Nezz will encourage us to flung all the stupid tests... Just recalling all the moment we share, all the smiles and laughters warms my heart. You have been there for me when my heart breaks a tiny bit. You have seduced me to look at Yunho in a perverted manner which never fails to make me laugh. You have been always there, in both sunny days and gloomy nights. It is so hard to say goodbye. Already at this moment, I have felt the loss, thinking of missing out so much laughters and tears, tight grips across the world
I am so sorry I am leaving at this critical moments when every news is another heartbreak, every truth can be a lie. I regret, I will not be there anymore, in my bubble of fandom...
Tintin, my dearest Xeanne asked me what I thought of Yunho's silence. I said I did not know, but I knew in my heart, I had the answer. Like a deluded girl in love, I gave him the benefit of doubts, that, till he speaks up, explains, I will not doubt him. THis is all I can give, this tiny support. isn't it so easy? To lose faith to whine whine and whine about how hurtful you feel... Well, how dare I say I am hurt and sad, I was not the one who was pain 1% of the amount of money I made, I was not the one who was trapped in a merciless company for 13 years, I was also not the one who had to go to hospital for overwork. How dare I make noises as if I KNEW what is going on.
For the fact that I am not in this mess
For the fact that I believe: even though you can't see the bottom of the ocean, it does not mean you should underestimate the strong currents within.
For the fact that I am sure if I am hurt 1, he must me in pain 100x
For the most crucial fact that I really really love him
I am not doubting any one in DBSK. Final stance, till I hear their voice speaking up, I shall not let the media plays with my emotion
Just a note for Iva: One thing I want to make it clear, I don't believe Iva is human. I am sure this particularly talented Czech movie maker must be made out of sugar and honey. Sweet and kind, naive and ... emotional, Iva was one of my first acquaintances and proudly I announce today, she is truly a friend in my heart. I am not gonna be there every time to make sure u are not sobbing over JJ-one-sided-love, I am not gonna share link, and amazing fics for a while. But hey, if I watch a DBSK clip, I will think of Iva. If I listen to Insa, I will think of Iva. So smile, OK? Laugh my share of happiness also ^^ I really gonna miss u
And I receive your day1 letter also, sweetest thing ever, all the way from Czech. You made this rainy day in Singapore shine.
..............................................................
3. Rummy
I found Rummy blog, "beautiful thing" in a "rainy night", home for the soul of the wanderers like us. On my road to find myself, I find my soul mate. I loath this life here, but I am thankful, for I met you. So even though I have been hurt, I have cried, I have wished I had never gotten tricked into this scholarship, it all pays off, cuz I have met Ruam
...............................................................
4 Gonna be OK
... for all said and done, I am gonna be OK ^^
... DBSK is gonna be OK
... Cassies are gonna be OK
... Rummy is gonna be more than just OK
things will get better, cuz if it has not finished raining YET, if I am still soaked and trapped in my school, well, it's not the end yet
waiting for rainbow ^^
