9.30 p.m.
Another message:
"If I lose the world because of you, I wouldn't lose you for the sake of the world" - Byron. I am not giving up on us
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Such spirit should be saved to salvage another soul, not mine.
Exhausted, I really can't hold on to more when my hands are both full
I am not asking for sympathy - oh please - as IF - not asking for anything, even respect of my decision
Something I have learned from my grandmother, from my DBSK, when no one opens the door for them, they just keep working hard, do what they know is right. I will do the same now.
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I wish my mother could have the strength to carry on.
Seeing her, like this, in pain, lost, at the verge of insanity, it hurts me so much I want to burst. I miss grandma too. Just that I can't be the emotional one, when I am depended on.
Just like grandma is her world, she is mine... Today I woke up, and the sky was pouring down, what angers you? What pains you to shed so much tears? What drives you mad and frustrated? - like a child, I hid myself in my blanket... pretending I did not see the tantrum of the sky. My hands are full, I can't hold on to more.
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Not going to talk to my mother tonight.
Not going to talk myself into a insanity anymore.
If I go on like this, If I give in to my emotion, If I stop just for a couple of minutes and try to deal with the mess I am sitting on - I am positive, I will end up breaking down, JUST LIKE BEFORE
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Listening to Insa, now. . .
and at least feel glad, I can still hold on to their music
and breath out softly
and have a bit of faith - that this is just not the end yet
and breath in slowly
if
if
if
...
if
