It's been a while since I last wrote.
I wonder if you still check on my blog (the decaying one, the abandoned one) - I had always been very hurtful and sour. I never thought you would bother - you always seemed too cool and oblivious. But that was a mask - a lock that I could not decode. When you finally broke down and told me how painful my words pierced right through you, I was stunned. I did not mean to pain you. So:
I did not write anymore. Somehow, some way, I could not do it - intentionally hurting you. So I quit for a long while - that could have been the period I spent the most time of my life with myself. :) I started collecting my own thoughts and stuff them all in this tiny *ar inside my heart. There must be a crack somewhere, I do not know, but whenever I open that precious treasure of mine, all the pain already vanish. Ah... maybe this is how he used to do it. I tell myself so, I still remember your eyes reflecting the summer blue sky - At some point, I wonder why you kept reading it, why you did not tell me that you cared. But would it matter?
It was the past. This story is no longer about you or anyone else, but a fridge - MY fridge.
So here is the deal :) I bought my 1st fridge with my very own 1st pay check in America. it was $129 with a freezer inside. I was given a small red rice cooker with steamer. :) Nothing much, you may laugh but somehow, I think I am ready for the world. Baby steps, I know - I am living on my own for the first time and this very thought is not that frightening. I should not dramatize it too much 'cuz I figure out it's part of growing up. Still it's a challenge. I am going to live well.
There is still laundry to be done and applications to fill in :) So I am gonna stop my entry very soon.
It's a $129 fridge but it's mine - I kept looking at it since last night when I put it together on my own. trying to figure out how it worked. I can tell you right now that I am indeed proud.
You should be happy for me. I know you are.
We may not love each other the way the other person wants to - or the way love should be defined but I know we would never wish anything but the best for the other person. For that I am grateful. April is coming and April has always been hard for me. But as I look at my fridge sitting proudly on one side of the room right now, I think I will make it :)
I am really happy here - as happy as I can be
