8 a.m.
Message Rach to Rummy:
Morning darling, I am in front of VH, going for batch outing in ECP.Up yet?
Reply from Rummy:
Since when do you go for "batch outing"? lol
Ruam certainly knows me well. Sometime too well to be true. The last time I went for my nationality-batch outing was in 200... never mind the memories, it was in sec 4. The last attempt to salvage something that could never be the same. That, I learned the hard way out. It was not pain any more, the messy after math but indeed bitterness. I was not right, but I can't bring myself to blame it all on me either. What I did, I paid the price. I walked off, never looked back.
As I walked with a different group of people on the same path I once shared with my initial batch mates, I could not help but compared: myself 2 years ago and now. They all call me with the same name: My Linh but certainly a name cannot possibly depict a person. The same name can carry so much negative at the same time, sweet connotation. I have changed so much I can hardly recognize myself in my own reflection. But I am not sadden, someone pleased, someone regretful I could not keep my pure heart safe.
There is a clear difference between a friend and a mere batch mate. Many people confuse themselves thinking naively that we are all friends. WRONG! Class mates, batch mates, school mates, room mates.... you name them, are not friends. They are simply people who share the same situation with us. What makes you think by putting a two strangers into the same box (box -mate, j/k) they will be able to understand one another, like one another...? Define friends, and you can jolly see it for yourself we all don't have that many friends. Acquaintances, beautiful definition! It takes so much more to be a friend of someone.
I was once full of eagerness, hope to redeem what was seemingly my sin in the past, while yesterday, I was pretty much apathetic. I was up at 7.30 a.m to make bread with Cindy, Fanie, Pei Xia and Michelle. It was really fun till I snapped and walked off. Do they know I was nervous?
I was afraid I would not enjoy myself to the max as I would keep thinking of the past, the night my initial batch sat together under the stars, talking and having fun - the last bit of sincere enjoyment we could share. It was bliss, now what is it?
However, yesterday was a BLAST.
I did not once look back and burdened my heart with what I had already buried into the sand of time.
Things I learned today, things that are real: I can walk without the past weighing down my shoulders. I can run in the sun, let the wind comb my hair, then mess it up with salty water of the deep blue sea. I can tug bitterness inside my heart for years, unable to trust and love yet one day, unconsciously I will be able to receive love sincerely like the sunshine naturally pours its warmth on my tanned skin...
I had fun today. I was touched by certain gestures of Innovians, of Cindy-Fanie-Vanessa who learned to enjoy my erratic behavior and sarcastic nature, of the ever-emo yeat surprisingly caring Andika, of the brightness in Lintang's smile...
4 more months and off we go. I will bring away with me to another land, the music of youth
+their laughters
+Vanessa's unbearable, unlovable scream which freaked Andika out
+Ibam weird music in his Ipod and his obnoxious nature
+songs that we sang along with Ivan, Chandra and Andika's guitar. Emo songs... break up songs, songs of friendship and love, for who knows how many of you have ever experienced true love or will ever encounter it in our lives
I will bring with me moments
+the games: Frisbee, Captain (Ibam's) Ball, throwing people into the sea...
+the process of "taking" excessive number of bread slide from OH to make our packed lunch fr the whole batch
+the mixing and cooking
+the waking up and screaming at one another
I will carry in my heart, the touch
+My hands in the firm and protective hands of Andika, Cindy, Pei Xia, guiding me when I was learning how to do in line skating.
+the high five when my team score a point in Captain balls
+the soft touch Cindy placed on my hand early in the morning to wake me up from my lala land
+the hug, me and Lintang, again, I truly miss her. me and the girls, I wish I can keep my promise with them till the end of time
+the light push in the head, me covering van's mouth to stop her from screaming as we carry her to throw into the sea
...
Unconsciously I call them my friends, not all, some, most of them. Unconsciously I place a tremendous burden in their hands, the power over me, to bring me utter happiness and (hopefully not) shatter my heart.
...
I haven't been to the beach for such a long time to relax and chill out. As the wind messed up my hair, I found bliss... I shall not think to much...
Yet there is something I know for sure, I am walking away from darkness, bitterness of the past toward the warmth of the sun
I am only 20 once
