Something real

I did not sleep the whole night.

again

I am obsessed.

H1N1 is spreading and it has already reached my home away from home.
Fanie, Van and Cindy have proved that they live up to the title I grant them: The NUT CASES by taking a series of H1N1 mask pictures. For once I feel really glad I am not in the same room thus I do not have to stand their insanity 24/7. Lol, I adore them and treasure the time I am with them. It seems so unreal that one of the boarders in OH has already been confirmed to be positive with H1N1. As though this is not real. But it is.

What is the most scary thing? I wonder, is that the fear of the unknown? You cannot see the virus nor recognize who is carrying it around. You talk, you hug as you are friendly. You end up getting sick for you are carefree or careless. Fate is something which is written for us, we walk our ways to the unseen traps. Who knows?

Within 2 weeks I may get myself into an accident. Mom prayed everyday for me. I do pray also. Once in a while, she must be upset knowing this. But when I heard my mom over the phone, she informed me that dad got into an accident. His car is badly damaged but thanks to mom's prayer every night, dad is safe. He did not even sue the idiot who run his motorbike straight into dad's car without any any possible reason. Dad said he wanted to do a good deed, sending the man to hospital, not even asking that person to pay for the damage. Dad simply wished because of his action, I would be spared in the book of fate.

I was hit by car twice in sec 3 and 4. I have been injured and sick for no particular reason. Ruam's mom who can read the stars said there is a big OPERATION letter engraved in my destiny. I smiled, counting them, one by one. Have you known my eyes are extremely bad and is highly recommended to be operated at the end of the year? I did not know it. For a good part of my life, I do not even know what it is like to have perfect eye sight. So I thought, the blurry vision I see every day is the best one can ask for.

ignorance is bliss

Now that I know my sickness is real
Now that I am aware of the possible accident.

It is real? I do not know. Yet I just wish I could feel love in a more tangible way. Like Van's touch on my forehead, mom's fingers across my fingers, my head on dad's shoulder, Ruam's voice across the phone... Things like that. I know they are real

And I know, there is something real
I am loved, for real


music of the day: Bolero from DBSK as an encouragement for all JC2 friends out there. ummm I am happy that Poy is also a Cassiopeia. I am visiting her the next time they come to Thailand for sure, lol. I am suffering from exams for the first 3 days of next week: Mon Tue and Wed. 11 essays, 3 hours of maths not to mention Econ case study

Well, something else which is real: exams

... and ...

...
... ummmm ...

Everything will fade, from the fragrance of someone you love to the color of the sky. My inaccurate memories are fading, one day, the remaining bits and pieces will only be the collection of the selected things that I desire to remember. Memories do know how to play tricks on us. I woke up one morning 2 years ago, smiled for I could not recall a particular part of my time in Bath: the color of Lukas's eyes.

They fade into the winds, one by one.

I walked around my room... half conscious. I wanted to make a phone call but instead I sent a message: I miss you. Mom should get it by now. I miss her slender finger. Vanessa shocked me today with her cool... almost cold tiny hand on my forehead
(checking if I am sick) Tiny thing brings back memories. Just like mom, just like him.

I smiled, thinking it is weird for us to be friends today. Vanessa who used to hate me and whom I used to loath to the core, actually can share one of her ear piece with me today. We would sing some stupid break-up songs loudly, shamelessly, walking together to Minimart or Coldstorage. This is utterly ridiculous. This is not something I would do in the past but I am enjoying it now. I think less of what a messy GERMIE she is. She thinks less of what a hardcore traditional grandma I am. We are both headstrong and competitive. Now we are both single. Just that she think being single sucks, me the opposite.

... and ...

Just some random thoughts today as I listen to DBSK. I became an extreme Cassiopeia (DBSK's fan) recently. Really enjoy their music and their personalities. This is strange, me behaving like a teenage fan girl at the age of a supposedly mature young lady. But who cares, I would scream the moment, I find another Cassiopeia, the moment I see Yunho or hear Junsu's voice.

I love the peace their music brings me.

I am not holding back the tears, for there is nothing to be sad about. Just this simply life of a JC2 student, studying for her exam.

I really really love DBSK