"what should I do now?"
"why now and why should you do anything?"
"you love me. . . but my heart, it just doesn't belong to you"
"so? your point is?"
*awkwardly "what should I do about us?"
"nothing."
"nothing?"
"yeah, nothing!"
. . .
"did you go out of your way to make me love you?"
"no. . ."
"did you lead me on?"
"no. . ."
"did you give me any kind of false hope or unachievable promise?"
"no. . ."
"so it's safe to say, I fell in love with you on my own terms, all by myself - without any conscious influence from your part?"
"I assume so, yes"
"then the problem is not yours. it's not fair that you have to take responsibility for my self-created drama"
. . .
"I mean it, this unrequited love - it's mine and I claim every part of it my own, no one else's. you have nothing to do with it, so don't treat me any kinder, don't avoid me just because you fear that you will lead me on, don't... just don't change anything about yourself."
"you sure?"
"very positively. yes, I am sure. stay who you are - accept my love one day if it comes to you naturally but don't bother, if it doesn't"
"what about you? will you try to get over it?
"why should i? is it something i am ashamed of? no! is this something i regret? i am afraid not. it happened - me falling for you. . ."
. . .
"so I honor it, and see how it goes. one morning i may wake up and laugh it off, learning that it was just a phase. maybe that morning will come tomorrow, in a month, a year, five years or never. i can't predict the future. but for now, i just know you are the one"
"we're still friend?"
"for now, i am whoever you want me to be in this relationship. i did my part, it's up to you now. Though, don't put it on yourself to make a decision or try to rationalize your options."
"i am sorry"
"don't be."
----
My dear, don't be. I am not a child. I am responsible for my affections, for my anger, my hatred, my fluctuating emotions - for every single reason my heart beats at that particular pace. The problem is not yours - I hate it when we call it a problem because I would never, ever make my love a problem to you.
one sad and disappointing day, one of those days when I converse with you in my head - for you never voice up your sacred thought and I can't read your mind, ever. We are a world apart. How have you been?
