Wednesday, November 21, 2012

leave

The bus will come tomorrow and I guess it's time you leave. I don't know if I will get that goodbye hug at all - but knowing me, I am never picky when it comes to farewells so... I guess I will just assume that you couldn't find me.

Or, I will make up another lame excuse to compensate for the lack of love, care and the fact that I mean almost nothing, just the girl you really really like but that's not quite love. 

The bus will come tomorrow and you will be home with the people you love. I will be here in the empty building and wonder where all these will go. Too late to erase all the tight hugs and late night walk - because I had already been inked with your carefree spirit. As if it was tangible, as if it even makes any sense at all... 

So leave! I remember once, I asked you to get out of my room, shut my door first before you knock on hers - and you went ahead, carelessly without the second thought that once that door is shut - that's the end of us forever. 

I meant forever, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, to just leave though it should have been the right decision.

That night...

Neither you nor I managed to cry - there were tears in your eyes when you refused my hug because if you allowed me to, it only meant the end, that I was dropping you and once again, I would run away. And you still wanted a chance for us... to grow. 


Leave, I will be here making up excuses and reasons for why there would be no text messages, no contact - no trace of my existence in your life

And though you told me: "even when I am sitting next to my grandma, I will still be thinking of you..." Cruelly I feel glad...

That I exist in your mind after all...