Monday, September 10, 2012

I beg you pleae

I beg you please. . .
stop pretending that we never happened
that erasing "us" from the past is the best way to go on for the
two of us,
that I have never loved you with my whole heart
and that never did I hurt myself till the point of unconsciousness to
let
you
go
.
I beg you please
acknowledge this unrequited love
But no, you don't have to entertain me
or care about how
I make it through and stand here
now, smiling at you. It's my untold
story and I refuse to share it with
anyone, not even
YOU
.
If anything, I beg you please
remember: This girl in me who once loved you,
once lived
in this place - an island where tears never never dry
.

----------


I sat in the open air today and let the sun warmed my skin. Like an old book, being dried up after the humid spring, I stayed still.

I am back in Ashland. And all the reasons why I ran away from this land rushed back. I am overwhelmed by my emotions - like waves and waves of memories, I am the survivor of my own trauma.

These days I love sitting in the sun - that tingling feeling of warmth and burning heat reminds me that I am not alone. It doesn't matter I guess, if we are 2 minutes away from one another, 2 hills apart or an ocean in between - it's the same story. I am still struggling to get over you.

And as of it wasn't hard enough, you have to go and unconsciously make this all even more unbearable, more miserable for me.

Why are you doing this?
You
master the ART
of making me feel
Insignificant
like I, don't exist and us,
NEVER happened at all
.
If you didn't know my feeling then that was fine
Bur you did. You know it well!
You did and still
You made me feel like I was
A JOKE

Did you forget no matter how strong and abrasive I put up front - I am just a girl of flesh and blood with emotions
A girl who was alone, in love with you?

My dear, my lovely dear, aren't you just too cruel to me?