{for.you.i.write} 03

Sometime I placed my hands on my chest and press it hard just to make sure all the shattered bits and pieces of the broken glass inside are still in place.

It's a fragile object - my heart, inside the broken jar. Every millisecond, a shattered piece can fall out of place, drop, and cut deep.

I guard my heart for that reason.

Not that I don't believe I deserve happiness. But this is what I happen when I fall in love - I do not just have a crush on you, I have a passion for your existence, almost an obsession. I believe I have to be here for a reason. It has to be Fate. And for that, unfortunately I gave you the power the tear my heart apart.

But somehow I believe, because it is you... because it's you - the memory will worth the pain.

{for.you.i.write} 02

And Time, Time will do his part, healing all wounds. And Fate, Fate will do her part, playing out the situation - what future beholds for the two of us.

And I, I have done my part, spelling it out to you every letter, every syllable that together construct my heart. And I, I will continue my part, uphold my promise to be that person you can open your heart to.

At last, I am at peace.

And Time, Time will tell.

{for.you.i.write} 01

Most importantly, if you can at all avoid it, don't be normal. Strive, burn and do everything you can to avoid being the industry standard. Even the highest industry standard. Be greater than anything anyone else has ever dreamed of you. Don't settle for pats on the back, salary increases, a nod-and-a-smile. Instead, rage against the tepidness of the mundane with every fiber of whatever makes you, you. Change this place.

Please, do that for me.

---

You've gone through so much and be the amazing person that you are today. Please continue to move forward with such courage and passion I've seen in you lately. Please be brave, break out of your shell - Do whatever it takes to embrace your future.

Please speak UP! Be true to your faith and Do NOT be afraid of making mistakes, or displeasing strangers.

No matter what disaster you may cause in the future, I will still be here and I will be cheering you on. That - I can promise you. I believe our paths cross for a reason. That - I am now in your life, and till that moment when I find myself obsolete, I will not leave your side.

So, press on :)

12 minutes

I gave myself 12 minutes to grieve.

12 minutes

It isn't much, but it's 12 minutes to 2p.m. At 2, I will have an appointment, in which a smile is a requirement. So I'll give myself a good 12 minutes to let this emptiness sink into the endless depth of my pain. The clock is ticking and I know you have already left this town an hour ago. I just couldn't move from my seat. Literally and metaphorically, you came into my life with beautiful rainbow behind your smile. And I thought the storm had already passed. And I thought the rain had been over. But leave you must and you left early this afternoon, with no promise of any sort, shape or form. I am stuck in this deserted town with the cold rain and the fog. I understood your silence. I just could not let you go without waving goodbye and a farewell wish: "Safe trip!" I said. "Oh, Thank you!" you replied. Before I allowed myself to dwell a little longer into our brief goodbye, I ran away. The door shut behind my back and I knew I could no longer turn back.

You're gone

I wasn't brave enough. Maybe I'll never be. I will never be able to say the things I want to say. Your heart must have been made of steel, I believe. As I see mine crumbled and withered, I understood why I could never play the game.

It was just a joke...

on me

---

The Aftertaste

It's bitter. 

I played the scenario for a thousand times in my head but at the very end, I blanked out. I could not utter the question I had rehearsed for a million times. I blamed it on your eyes and the way you smiled. 

- play, replay, pause, continue - never once fast forward. I sat back in a corner of my room watching the memory like a short movie. 30 seconds? Maybe less. I wish we meant what we said and we could say what we meant. But in the end, all I could remember was how your smile faded and how my heart shattered. 

Good night, dear and safe trip - to the place your heart desired, to the Kingdom I could never be a part of. I will think fondly of us as I move on. I will think of us as I watch you from afar. To be able to laugh it off and call it a good joke tomorrow, tonight, I will have to pick up all the fragments of my broken shell. 

I was grateful for every single minute I had spent with you. 

and I will be grateful for the future we chose to have... everything less than I desire, but everything more than I could ever ask for...

Good night.