thank you for the memories

The thing I like most about a typed diary or a typed letter
Is that
They less complicated
I also hate them the most.
They are emotionless and impersonal
They leave no trace, whatsoever of such thing
as an emotional moment,
in another word,
weakness as dried tears, trembling or over pressed handwriting.
No trace of a reconstruction of truth.
No cross no trace of what was said then regretted.
No trace of what might be the TRUTH

For beggar cannot be chooser, I accept what is given.
Yet I learn from the best I type my emotion down. ..........................................................

For Aricin,
Thank you for the memories
1. our first love letter, which was typed, unsent personally and un-signed which is also our last. I could not believe it, but I did it, as the final gift for you. There was no tear, just as you wish, just a smile, the true one you love, from my heart, not from my lips.
2. my last fairy tale, which was edited into some trying-hard-to--have-a-happy-ending story, you know what, you did not have to do it. You really did not. I knew what I got myself into from the start. I knew you were not going to be able to keep your promise, and I made a decision to love you regardless.
3. ...
4. ...
...
1000. ...

thank you for the memories. Though there was more pain than happiness, though there were more separation: physically and mentally than togetherness, though there was more depression and heartbreak than joy, I do not regret devoting my heart to you for the past 2 years.

I wrote to you, the final letter, which will never ever be published, or read by the third party. I am done having someone interfering our relationship. I wrote it as if ink, my blood were running out of my heart. I guess by this moment in time, you should have received it, understood me and felt glad for us. Somewhere in heaven, I believe you know, how angry I was, how frustrated I was, and how determined I am now to clear my head, empty my heart, and move on.

You can stop watching over me, or replying on someone you trust to watch over me (I don't see why they should, they would or they need to). You misunderstood me from the start. I am someone who cares for, not someone to be cared for in the eyes of anyone else but you.

I want to fall down, I want to bleed. At least in that manner I learn to walk the proper way.
I want to get slapped so I learn how to slap back reality
I want to be betrayed by best friends, so I learn who to trust and who not to…
THIS IS THE KIND OF IDIOTIC LIFE I WANT TO LEAD

I did not need you to protect me. You are not my bloody body guard.

You were my boyfriend.
You were the one I loved

.....
As you said your final goodbye, I now say mine.
Now you are free. from me. from a relationship which was empty on your side. I won't drink up that glass of water you poured. But I can't possibly carry it around, being afraid 24/7 to lose one drop or two. In my secret garden where I planted a seed more than 2 years ago, hoping we could both grow it into a fruitful tree... I poured it down. So there our memories remain, strong in the grass, strong in the flowers, strong in the soil...
.....

I loved you.
goodbye.