turned around...

Turned around ...

and I did not see you anymore. You were not sitting there.You were not looking dazed like you always do. You were not waiting for me to return with our cups of coffee... I wanted Latte..  but for a second, I forgot the desire to taste sweetness of milk blended in the bitterness of coffee... what I did want more?... what I do want most, even now: that taste of the final latte with you or the taste of your lips, in the field, with winds enveloping us...

headstrong, totally disastrously the one and only you

I did not see you, I could not see you... chances were I would not be able to see you again

turned around...

And I was frightened... and I was traumatized... and reality hit me hard, I was at that very particular moment, lost again. I had been clueless in the maze of my grief after he passed away, but you came, held my hands and led me out of misery. My frantic mind became clouded with all the possibilities of the better - as you think it is, and of the worse - as I am so sure, even in this moment: losing you was the hardest part. Isn't it too cruel? You, the only person who bothered listen to my mumbles and chants messed up in uncontrollable sobs, now left me crying my eyes out alone on the roof top of our lighthouse... Why weren't you here to hug me like before? Why weren't you here to hear me confess: I really did not like you. The truth is, with every fiber of my being, I was in love with you.
Isn't it too cruel?

turned around...

and it all fades away... slowly, but it does... you and that curious stare I love, you and that hug when I was drown in those letters to heaven, you and that kiss in the plain plain green field... next to the old red post. Everything starts with you. Everything was beautiful because of you. Because all that perfect frame, perfect lips, perfect and strange mind belong to you, I get myself back in the sunshines

as simple as it seems
as heartbreaking, as excruciating as it actually is
you
were
gone

...............................................


turn around

"have we... have we met before?"
"where as in ... where?" - Reality checking and sanity checking... even in my wildest dream I could not imagine seeing you again. I am waiting for you, though my conscious mind reminds me you are gone. Though it sounds ridiculously unsound and obscure ... I am still waiting for you, with the couple of cherries around my wrist where you used to hold me firmly and dragged me out of pain...

turning around

"in the plains... old post... a mail box in the green grass..."
we trail off, and away...

welcome back...
This time, I won't turn around, not ever again, not away from you

from Hana to Jaejun

Hanoi, winter '09

inspired by Hana, and Heaven Postman

crying my eyes out

.:but I remember:.

...then I grew up, from the day-dream that things would never change - that I, mighty me, would never wear make up or torture myself in high heels, that my best friends in high school would still be my very best friends when I am close to death... I am sure everyone is fine with this radiant transformation. People change - how cliche'- yet how true, we know it too well that no one want to admit how hurtful it actually is: our memories gradually fade away like the calendar flipping, thinning and being torn restlessly... The day I walked out of my house 29th Sep, 2005. I never knew I would return home today in this metamorphosis, 6th Dec, 2009. My once-upon-a-time-ear-shot hair now passes my waist. My half-hip pants now are now buried to the very bottom of my closet - getting ready to be given away... I wonder what will happen in 4 years time, after college... I still don't know, and I do not desire to make such undesirable assumption of miracles and surprises -  what supposed to be life's gift to me. You may discard these bits and pieces of the past - the days when we qualified the very definition of what we now laugh at: "country pumpkin". You may jolly well do it, but i

but I remember

I remember clearly the way I looked in secondary school and high school. As if it matters now, but somehow these memories complete the picture of my childhood - of the relationships I had with the people around me. I am sure I have always been one of the most undesirable girls in class, may be not the worst, but among the big NO-NO thanks to my dad who always cooks delicious food... How nice it is to blame it on someone else, especially my dear father who takes pride in this cooking skill... In short, rudely and shamelessly I was really fat, in the Asian definition of Fatness -  which in another word, I refused to believe I am any chubby in the West - though that was not the point. The point is, I remember how I once had to buy a guy shirt, in stead of a girl shirt as a group uniform with my 6 other close friends - who of course, finds size XS a little too huge. I was definitely humiliated and bitter. They did not know much, and I guess even Huyen Anh, who witnessed my tears rolling down on the way back from the stupid shop, would not remember but i, but I remember those days... Now I wear guy shirt, still. Loving it. Not by force or desperation like the sad old days but by choice, fashion anyway. With a tiny belt around my waist and there I go.

But then again. you may wonder why I am writing these things down... I am not a intention-less writer. Yesterday, I saw a guy who claimed to take interest in me - the new me - the already transformed me making a cruel joke about a chubby girl. She was not that bad, maybe she was like me, back then, I did not care that much and knew that much. I laughed - cruelly and bitterly at him, brain-dead him and left the table, without leaving a trace of my existence.

I may look different now... I may feel things, perceive things in a different way now... To make it simple I may not be the same girl I used to, once upon a time. But i, I remember...

I remember how hurtful it was to be laughed at because you are a plus-size chick, living among these sickly thin people - I still am FAT - in your very definition of Fatness. If I throw to u the i-don't-give-a-damn-if-you-think-I-am-fat attitude, it does not mean: I am not aware that you are rude. Just that your remark cannot hurt me like before.

They can change a girl's body shape - even in the most desperate method i.e. plastic surgery - I have NOTHING against it. But bloody hell, why can't they freaking understand that there is nothing they can do to de-stupid-ize a brain dead girl with perfect body? They can't replace her heart either - for a kind heart cannot be bought and shove into that perfect body they desire.

So I watch friend after friend going for body instead of soul... Ended up complaining to me their unlucky love life - well... well, well, well... they don't but i, i remember...

I remember their choice of partners, with much compromise of "buts" and "ifs" ... Since you treat it as a bargain, this is as much life can give to you... seriously why is there a need to torture yourself and make alibi for why he is NOT freaking there when you need him the most, why he could not say anything decent - or anything at all while you are sobbing uncontrollably? Is it a crime, for him to be himself and not the "him" you assume he is?

Being single is seriously not that bad, even in winter when people complain they need bodies to hug, to be hugged - I wonder where goes the need of clothes and scarf.

Instead of getting myself anyhow a boyfriend for the sake of being "warmed" this Christmas eve, I got myself a Zara basic, navy blue long coat, chick and class.

and I am good, sipping hot chocolate in my room, reading a few poems by Margaret Atwood

p/s: watch out Hanoi, I am learning to drive this afternoon. My dad is proud, mom rolls her eyes, complaining: "first bicycle, then motorbike and scooter, now CAR... when will you buy her a TRUCK or a TANK?" Dad and I sharing a tiny wink, thinking more or less of boat or plane rather than tank,we swear,but well,not to shock mom yet... say we are good with car. I am so excited

DBSK - only Human

and here in your eyes, I'd like to stay

My monologue:
I am very busy - I still keep track with DBSK. I read too much, feel too much but rarely have the time to pen down my thoughts... However I know, If I do not let it out NOW, I might as well BURST. MAMA, and their  latest Stand by you performance- which many criticize them for being unprofessional - yeah WHATEVER

1. I am glad you came

I am really glad JCS came to MAMA, I am not sorry I do not give a damn about others' opinion.
Calling them traitor? Calling them popularity-thirst? Calling them not legitimate to represent DBSK?
I am speechless, BEYOND my tolerance. Can't they see the desperation in Chun's voice? He longed to sing on stage... Can't they see JJ is at the verge of breaking down? Can't they see? Or are they all blinded by the media? By SM and their tactics? If they can't see then I am telling you this JJ screw up the most handsome face of Asia - Chun broke down - BACKSTAGE, ladies and gentlemen, BACKSTAGE, if they freaking ask for your pity, or if they wanted some kind of sympathy or stir up Cassies' anger - They could have shed JUST a drop of tear, could have shamed SM or did something despicable, I am pretty sure, Cassies are damn willing to burn SM down.

BUT THEY STOOD STRONG till the very END as 3, for 5 members, for 1 DBSK, withOUT CODY, BODY GUARD, with un-sponsored suits, with weary and polite smiles and tired frames... How many of you cry for their conditions? How many of you actually care and feel their pain being separated from their identity? Being reduced to mere voices, not singers, muted singers - the agony of being allowed to stand on stage but NOT to talk to your members/brothers or answer questions?

That's DBSK for you.

Please don't hurt them anymore, Please don't doubt them!
No one tells them this yet, I can't directly come up to Chun and beg him to translate to Su - in case Su, with his MARVELOUS and amusing Su-glish misunderstand my good intention:

"JSC, I am glad you came. I am thankful, you came. I am grateful against all odds, against all threats, you came. I am sure, if there was one freaking reason why you risk your future to step on stage that particular day, it was for US, for CASSIES" - I am just very glad you came

Really if you can't make up your mind and abide your word: "Keep the faith", just move fandom. Faith is not denial, we are all well aware of the situation. We don't deny they are going through much, even anger within themselves toward one another perhaps, but faith... HOPE DIES LAST remember that. That if you chose to believe in their friendship for years, have some faith that even if they fight - as ALL of us have been there,done it, wanted to murder our best friends just so one day ended up crying in each others' arms saying one simple word: SORRY

2. Friendship

Some people started to falter from the very beginning of the lawsuit... some people start  falter now. Some people. NO, I won't deny, MANY people are doubting their friendship.

I don't - even if tomorrow, I see their pictures punching one another, swearing or calling each other's name - I don't doubt their friendship of more than 10 years, 6 out of which they inked themselves, engraved in their heart 4 letter words

TVXQ.

It's true we don't talk with our best friends in primary school anymore, it's true friendship does not stay forever - but it does not mean IT WAS NOT REAL.
At that very particular moment back then in time, they were close like brothers (I am not assuming that they are NOT now) In Paris and somewhere in Prague, in Grand Canyon and all over the places in Japan and Korea, back then they were each others' air to breath, inspiration to compose and motivation to push all that anti's threat and hatred to move on as DBSK.It was truly LOVE, and don't you dare doubt it!

3. Only human

For one last time, I just want to scream my heart out to let those soil-headed people know: even when they are named Gods rising from the East, even when they rewrite history and break all possible record: they are human, with flesh and blood i.e.
1. Your mindless/brain-dead words accusation and doubts/ gossips, whatsoever - I am sure you are damn good at creating chaos, dear SM and antis, DO hurt them emotionally
2. Your poison, in any form, whether it glue or a direct hit on the face, DO hurt them physically and mentally
3. Your constant stalk, camera straight up close to their faces 24/7 drives them INSANE
As much as we love them... we deprive them from the basic rights as human. We can fight with our friends, we can misunderstood our best friends, WHY CAN'T DBSK? Why can't Homin be upset with JCS because they miscommunicate and misunderstand? Why do you take just a moment of their anger to judge their years of hardship and brother hood?
Stand by you performance, Ok, I agree it was not their BEST one. Not being bias or fan-girl, fair enough, it was not their best. But what do you expect? Can you come up on stage, in THAT condition and pull it off better than they do? Common be honest! They are like the little mermaids, dancing their hearts out, beautifully on shattered glasses. So in THAT condition, you want them to smile CHEERFULLY??? You want them to PRETEND that they are fine? Give me a BREAK!, no not me, GIVE THEM A BREAK.
Even when they are DBSK, they are human... Why can't you let them be? They have been trying their VERY VERY best already.
Don't be ridiculous!

4. About JJ

JJ was one of my least favorite members back then, when I first start the whole fan-girling. I am pretty sure, to some of you who know me well, I am not a Yun-Jae lover shipper. I love U Know, simple as that. I rarely talked about JJ before, though those Cassies whom I love the most (namely: Nings and Iva) are both JJ's lovers. But here is something I want to say about JJ
At this particular moment, I would trade almost anything for JJ's genuine smile. I have read many fan's comments, fan's and anti's that JJ cried - what kind of weakness is that? JJ is like a girl, cry baby - real men do not cry...
-laugh, sarcastically LAUGH - Those tears he shed do not make him any LESS of a MAN, but on the very contrary, make him so much MORE like a HUMAN, bloody hell, he is not your freaking ice prince. I appreciate those tears so much because, they simply tell us one thing
---that there is something JJ holds dear to his heart, something JJ lives and fights for, something MEANS THE WORLD to JJ... That beautiful thing is DBSK.
For the first time, I am telling you this, I love and respect JJ - he has the dignity and courage to live true to his emotion and feeling. He is not a freaking coward who hides his heart, being scared of you people calling him a cry baby.
Just for THAT much, JJ is more of a man than any of those antis who call him names

5. Last few words

If one day, all this was to end...would you look back at the time you've spent loving them and supporting them as one you will forever cherish or would you look back and regret???

Fair enough, I thought I would give you my 2 cent, I am giving you my piece of mind worthy of at least $200. If it is still necessary to ask me this question then

NO

Not a moment, a second, a fraction of time will I ever regret loving them, adoring their music, trusting their brotherhood and friendship. Simply NO. fandom and fangirling - these are the things I did not acquaint myself with throughout my childhood and teenage life. Theses are the things I will never get myself into, if not for DBSK

here with you

...and here in your eyes, I'd like to stay

1. Family.

25th 8:00
I get out of my bed, running like a maniac in and out, trying to get my hair dried and my ao dai buttoned up

25th 8:45
I am in the car, driving to your place

25th 8:57
I am cursing the idiot who created the freaking traffic jam - Damn, I am gonna be 5 minute late
I am getting frustrated

25th 9:15 - 12:00
Up and down, 5 floors in heels, talking about madness and chaos.
Do you want a drink? a cake?
Where the hell is your flower?
Is the make up done yet?
... Hon and Ngoc are arranging flowers half the city away in the restaurant
... Bi is driving her tiny cutie car all over the places, getting newly made ao dai for her 6 aunts and mother
... My dad is walking back and forth arranging cars
... Uncles are clearing the traffic, wearing suits working like policemen
You are on your way to your new home

25th 22:00
You are on the way to the altar, in his hands
Again, I play the interpretor role, translating to your New Yorker friends the Vietnamese traditions
Chi Hon plays the camera woman role, snapping beautiful shots
Chi Bi plays the host, welcoming and ushering guests into their  seats
Chi Ngoc (Angie), exhausted after the whole day decorating the restaurant, sinks into her seats, mumbling something strange

25th 21:00
The party is over and I am on my way again
Chi Bi, Chi Hon, Angie and I all changed from our traditional costumes and heels to flats and casual clothes
Tomorrow is your party

26th 2:00
Chi Hon, Angie and I are on our way to Hanoi flower market, carrying flowers like real farmers
My mom is busy bargaining to save more and more money for you

26th 2:30 - 5:00
I am sitting on the floor, arranging wild flowers into different vases, decorating the restaurant
My nails change shade, from the healthy and pinkish clean color to the hideous mixture of dirt, sticky rubber and yellowish green, after hours and hours of cutting flowers
4000 flowers: baby lily, roses, ... unknown flowers from the wild
and yet we still have 2000 more to go
Chi Hon is on a ladder with my mom, working on your flower gate
Chi Bi is half asleep, half awake, making a gorgeous slide show for you
Staff of mom's restaurants were setting up the table
Hot pink silk for your table cloths, the most expensive one of a kind - the color of happiness, white chiffon ribbons are tied on every single chair - the color of purity
everything you like

26th 5:10
I am asleep, on a bed, made out of three different chairs
so is Angie, with her scarf covering her face, sleeping like a little child
Chi Hon and my mom are still wide awake, doing the finishing touch, with pride
Chi Bi snugs in her car, trying to find some comfort

26th 6:10
We think we are frozen to death
Hanoi at breaking dawn isn't that mild
On our way back home, I looked back with a smile
a sleepish one - will you be happy with your hard work?

26th 15:00
And the chaos starts again
We all in ao dai of different color, high in heels and charming in traditional hair style and make up
Running like maniac around the restaurant
Me - working on your wedding pictures table
Chi Hon: somewhere in Hanoi, getting your poster printed
Angie: armed with glue gun and artificial flowers - just a little bit MORE
Chi Bi: setting up the slide show
...

26th 17:00 - 23:00
In ao dai, I carry food to table like a waitress, smile like an air stewardess, greet strangers as if I have known them for ages - NOT punching stupid guys who think I tolerate stupidity and flirts
... my toes are killing me
I have not eaten anything since yesterday crappy dinner at the other hotel

why?

Because chi Trang, it's your wedding day
Because of that whole hearted cheerful smile that stays on your beautiful lips, it does not matter if there are more work to do, if there is more horrid traffic jam to cross and there are more aching legs, uncomfortable clothes...
Because we are family, you aren't my cousin, you are my sister.
Because grandma's only wish, is to see you happy on your wedding day with anh Hoang
Because we all cried wishing she were here, with us, to see you shine like a star

Because we belong to the same family, we share not the same parents but the same grandma

Congratulation on your wedding day, chi Trang

Welcome to our family, anh Hoang

May you be happily in love now and ever after...

we love you so much

... and this is my family, the one who does not have the lightest idea about the different between "cousins" and "sisters/brothers" - my family tree is surely full of nuts, we cried and laughed at the same time, share bits and bits of private jokes

BUT I LOVE THEM TO BITS

because they are my family

and I am freaking PROUD of them :)

soon

Soon, we will be on the road again, travelling together, visiting one another...

Our last 4 papers, Rummy, our last week together already

I am coming home, next week, I am counting the day, ^^ , exactly 1 week.

Apart from the happiness, anticipation of my cousin's and your sister's wedding,

for a moment, I am really down

I know when I am back, you won't be there anymore.

You were the only one who ever picks me up from the airport, the one who never breaks her promises

It's not like it's goodbye but at this moment, I really miss you already

Hanoi is cold, isn't it? Hanoi is herself again, 12 degree, winter coat... and scarf

Changmai must be cold, too.

We both said we would email and keep in touch, and of course, we both will

Will we be just a phone call apart from one another still?

Will I just pick up the phone and disturb your peace with my nonsense just like I always do?

I wish I will get in my university of choice and you will too.

Though we part, we will see one another soon, Hanoi in December, Changmai in Jan and the States next semester.

Soon, we will part and soon we will reunite.

Soon, we will grow old and maybe, we will be able to make our way to Seoul

I can't wait to see you in Hanoi this December.

Actually I can't wait to meet you this weekend.

Even though we may be on the opposite side of the "heaven gate" and there is no way I will drag you to hell, just being able to meet you and befriend with you in this lifetime... it makes my 4 years of torture here in the land I appreciate but never will I desire to return... worthwhile.

According to Iva

According to them,
I am sarcastic, I am rude, I am out of my bloody mind

According to them,
I am a mess in a dress, acting cool, as if everything is fine

According to them,
I am all wrong - they are all right, always right

According to them,
I can't be any worse
or any better
Nothing can be fixed
My case is closed
unable to salvage
No one ever bothers
...according to them

BUT

According to Iva,

I am hurtfully sweet,

I am straightforward

I am daring

I am kind

According to Iva,

I am not freaking mentally sick

I am just upset

things will be alright

According to Iva,

I am safe in her heart, and

she misses me a bit, every now and then

and a lot, every once in a while

'cuz

Iva was made out of sugar

and honey

and spring rain, falling softly on pink roses' petal

Everything is fab

according to Ivana,

my Ivana

Dear Iva,

Today, I receive your letter, another one which makes me scream like a freak, happy like a kid, smile like an idiot for the rest of my day, (and probably, week). Your letters have always been exceptionally sweet - I should stop using that particular word, but trust me, my poor vocab does not allow me to find something more precise.

Things aren't that great and I am not always secured. Little rumors can get me a tiny little bit down... Yet, as I sat in a Japanese Restaurant today, enjoying my green tea ice cream when the speaker suddenly played Mirotic, I laughed like a child again, wishing Iva were there. For a second, I was wondering what kind of chaos we both would create... Hyper and nuts screaming "under my skin"? Dancing on the table? Laughing a lot and crying just a bit 'cuz we both miss DBSK too much?

We both are helpless, aren't we? Then again, I am glad, I could really find someone who is sincerely crazy, absolutely emotional and nuts, just like me -  we both aren't perfect, not even close. But together, things are so .. fine and right ^^ . I miss talking to Iva about JJ's one sided love (laugh) and speculate what is going on now behind DB's closed door, those kind of crazy imagination that only Iva would understand I not antis or dreamers, I am just... Linhieee. I hate this distance so much and hate the fact that I could not just be online and see Iva playing with her cat

Then again, through this, I learn, how much Iva means to me, Iva and Insa, and DBSK, and Love in the ice... and different time zones and ... all those private jokes shared among us, those Cassies whose home address is at the same CR, despite our locations in the world. I know I am not that wonderful and great, like what Iva aways thinks of me, but at the very least, I want to be better, to be the better person Iva looks at me and sees me through. So for all the things Iva said, and all the craps I have heard - just to put me down, I am glad, very very glad, there is still this tiny bit of happiness and rainbow in Czech who believes in me.

I should have written this letter in private... sealed it with a kiss ( laugh ) and pressed send with a smile. For once, I just want to "share (with) the world" this "unforgettable" and "beautiful thing", who is my "love in the ice": that I "miss you" with all my "heart, mind and soul" so much so "I can't put into words"

Really miss u, dear

Work hard, and score all the A, and 100% you deserve

I am really looking forward till our next "Insa"

Love,

Linhieee

Rainy blue

rainy blue 


Without a soul in sight, and it's midnight.
Outside the telephone box, and it's rain.
I keep turning the overused dial
and suddenly my finger falters.

I'm drenched in this cold rain and
struck by a bittersweet memory: I'm
at the intersection on the road you take home
and suddenly, my steps stumble.

The headlight of a car that brushes by me
creates a lonely shadow
and I'm searching for your white car
when suddenly, I cover my eyes.

Rainy blue was supposed to have ended
Rainy blue, how far will you follow me?
And so to erase this image of you,
today, again, I am alone with the gentle rain.

The memories bound with the tenderness
of that time pours down upon this street.

It's a rainy blue, it's a rainy blue.
These dripping tears soak my shivering heart.
It's a rainy blue, it's loneliness---


credit: in bloom


.......................................................


...and years after the day we parted, I will still remember my blue umbrella, too fragile to shield me from the tantrum of Britain misery, too small for the both of us: the hurtful me and the facade of you ... You weren't there and there is nothing we can do to change the fact that you weren't there when I needed you the most. I walked alone in the longest path back to my shelter. Without realizing, I walked away from the past... Though, sometime, drench in the rain, I still smile bitterly, thanking that fateful afternoon, when I finally grew up, and let go...

Bath, 2003

For some reasons, I do not wish to return to Bath again. I once loved Bath, loved the magical ring of flower, where I begged Ryan to give me a ride at the middle of the night, just to stand and made a wish, the one that did not come true, I can still recall. Simple things were made complicated back then. I was indeed too romantic. I guess I was much too young and the experience was much too painful for a 14 year old girl. I still keep that umbrella, though 6 years had passed eventfully. Never would I use it again or touch something alike, especially that particular color: sky blue, soft and gentle... There once was a girl in blue, blue umbrella, blue bag, a pair of wet blue shoes, wandering in Bath, searching for the memories of yesterday. 


Maybe I would not have thought of the abandoned blue umbrella again, if I did not get caught in the rain today, after exams... People were rushing to their shelters. Maybe I was the only weirdo who took her own sweet time in the rain. I smiled, for all wound will heal, all tears will dry up, all girls will mature - and maybe turn callous. As I sit comfortably inside my room now, open the window, breath in the familiar smell of Singaporean rain, I wonder: ... Am I ready yet? For more rains and storm - which I no longer avoid. They are my old friends... too familiar, too close...


Do you ever notice the smell of the rain? Of all, I love the one of Hanoi, loathe the one of Bath, indifferent to the one of Singapore... and long for the one of Perugia... How many cites have I passed? How many rain seasons have I gone by? Every time it rains, I recall bits and pieces of my childhood and the gone years... Of the laughter and wonders I shared with my father as a child, of the regret I will hold on for life for disobeying my grandmother...


"Bring an umbrella, ok?" - Now who will remind me such simple thing again? Who will care if I soak my soul in the rain? Who will silently put a raincoat in my bicycle basket for me? Today I stood in the middle of the crossroad... like a lost child.


Rainy blue...


I know you will follow me till the rest of my life, even when one day, I accept my chances of sunshine... Yet, watching my sorrow washed away in the rain, mirroring my reflection in pools of waters on the ground remind the past is real...


And that, thanks to rainy blue, I remember those tiny bits of happiness and sorrow, the combination of sweetness and bitterness that made me who I am today


.....


Am I ready yet? To write it all out?
I guess not... One day I will share it with you.


......


Rainy Blue and DBBlue


Shenzhen Concert is cancelled, more and more accuses and despicable lies... Guess what? You can't hang a person twice, the strong heart that was hurt once would never be hurt the same way again. I catch up with some DBSK news after my 1st week of exam... Ummm... too complicated! I shall not make any comment. As I said "I believe in them", I will keep my words till the end


When I said I will keep the faith, it was simply a promise on my part. I do not ask for anything in return from them - of course, how could I? I wonder why people are falling apart so fast. Declaring that you are no longer a fan - LIKE WE CARE - I guess to a large extent DBSK care. But whoever is meant to stay, will stay with DBSK no matter what. Shinwa's fan have been with them, waiting for Shinwa for the odd 5-6 years, celebrating Shinwa's 10th anniversary. Such love is admirable, for fans ask nothing from each members... Hottest need to learn from Cassies to protet in a more mature manner, but Cassies still need to learn from Shinwa's fan the patience and devotion to their idols. I am not buying all the news from SM - read with a head on your shoulders, stop making noises. It's annoying. Allkpop has started to become my source of laughter nowadays, in the most cynical way. It is pretty fun to watch those pretenders acting AS IF they care, as if FAITH means something to them, as if ... Amazingly I don't feel hurt by their comment anymore. Shallow! One word depicts their traits - that's all.


Still, in this silence, I understand much and learn so much more about press, mass media and something ugly called greed. Whatever happened, Yunho always said, treasure the experience, for even in loss and failure, we learn something valuable. 


.....................


Song of the day: Rainy Blue...
I wonder if I ever cross my pride to revisit those abandoned places of the yester-years. We don't have much time anymore, you know? I am going off and I won't come back... What becomes of us? I am not sure. . . Are we both too proud?


Or it is just me?