Back to school

Back to school. Everything is great. School work and council work kicked in before I even noticed. Most of the time at school I am sleepy but extremely contented. But I guess, my body has not gotten used to this new pattern yet.

I collapsed, last night, on my bed, not knowing what happened, not knowing what was going on around me. My new roommate told me that I felt into a very "deep" sleep. I gave a a weary smile. I guess, soon, she will get used to it, not knowing it was not only because I was extremely tired. If she cares, she will. if she doesn't, which is much better for her, she will never know the difference of someone who sleeps and someone who faints/collapses. Yes, I collapsed. . . I guess I must be very grateful for the good health I possess now.It was not easy. For the past 2 years I stopped. Now it came back to me like an old unwanted friend. I have to live with it. With collapsing... here and there, now and then. Hope that I won't, again, like last year, on a stranger's bus, alone.

And I know very well, this time he is not coming to help me.

As if he ever did. Just that the feeling that he would if he could, gave me this amazing strength to carry on. Now, I am stronger, not because I am with him, but because, physically and logically, I am withOUT him.

I attended a funeral. Just want to say this to Melvin, my dearest classmate: Be strong. It is not easy losing someone you love much. But be strong, he, who you care for, leaves this world by choice. May he rest in peace.A sad note for the beginning of the year. Especially when the newspaper reports about it. Take care


I wanted to talk to a friend of mine, upon this depressing topic, yet I know very well. She will not entertain me mentioning his name. I kept quite. But the whole idea haunts me. I want to talk to someone, someone who knows the truth. someone who knows, beyond all my perfect lies, which I made up to cover one simple fact: I could not face the truth that he, whom I love with all my heart, left me by choice.


I could not hold him back. I wonder if he knew. I died with him the day he died. Just that, I reborn into a new person, a part of me left with him, a stronger part pull this corpse up and bring life to it.

I miss him, every single day. I whisper his name, sometime scream, just loud enough so I can hear, and feel the echo as the reply. Pathetic, I know, I should not be doing this. The mark of 2nd year is coming, most unexpectedly and I am still shocked when I think about it. But time passes without waiting for anyone

And tomorrow, I will be at school earlier as usual. More council work, more things need to be done. I hope to catch Melvin's smile which is becoming more and more rare nowadays.

night night...

when i'm with you

Saw you walk in to the room

Thought i'd try to talk to you

Babe am i every glad you wanted me too

Its been two years to the day

half the time I've been away

i know I'm not there enough

but that is gonna change

cause I'm coming back

to show you that

I'm keeping the promise that i made

when i'm with you

I'll make every second count

cause i miss you, 

whenever your not around

when i kiss you

i still get butterflies

years from now

i'll make every second count

yeah we've had our ups and downs

but we've always worked them out

babe am i ever glad we got this far now

still i'm lying here tonight

wishing i was by your side

cause when i'm not there enough

nothing feels right

so i'm coming back to show you that I'll love you the rest of my life

when i'm with you

I'll make every second count

cause i miss you, 

whenever your not around

when i kiss you

i still get butterflies

years from now

i'll make every second count

whatever it takes

im not gonna break the promise i made

when i'm with you

I'll make every second count

cause i miss you

when i'm with you

I'll make every second count

cause i miss you, 

whenever your not around

when i kiss you

i still get butterflies

years from now

i'll make every second count

when i'm with you

when i'm with you

when i'm with you

when i'm with you

...all right

I woke up early in the morning, just to feel the sense of peace and relief sink deep into me, to my every cell. I am aware that I am alive and everything wrong, finally, indeed, is gonna be alright. Hi there new day, hi there holiday... hi there another challenge and hi there Hanoi, I am coming home soon.

Yesterday
I held my breath... unable to breath when I dialed my close friends' numbers yesterday, I was scared, of losing them, losing any of them. My batch mates, Innovians, Indonesians, Malaysian, Philippina, Thai and Vietnamese, they have been amazing. They have accepted me and my weird sadistic nature, the irritating sarcasm coming out from pure unintention... Not all, not all people in this world are able to reply my harsh comment with sparling laugters like Fanie, like Cindy... Not every one can hit me or even slap so hard to bring me back to my mean self in time of need so that I can repress my feeling and show my strong self.... at the same time, hold me close to let me cry when all those strangers whose only intent is to bring me down leave... Not everyone, but Christin can, and I admire her for all that, all the strength and pride that she puts upfront, on the other hand, the sincere friendship the care and love she hides behind al the scoldings... I thank you, all of you for all that u have done.. all the night you were awake to help me with Student Council campaign, all te birthday parties that we threw... we laughed together... and that special night, when 4 of us, walking in the rain... so much laughter so much freedom
For the first time, in a long while, I found my youthful not bitter not precaucious self... And all of that, was because of you guys.

Today
I breath in and hi there, everything is gonna be all right. I am waiting for Christin and Michelle to confirm the day they can go to Vietnam to visit me.. and Ruam, my dearest Ruam, though she is longer here, suffering the weird rainny weather of Singapore, I believe she is having a great time in Thailand... See you soon, dear, in the land I was born... in the center of my heart.

too many plan and the grad nite preparation is indeed driving me insane, yet when I think I have so many people around me, pushing me through. like liyanto, like JQ, like the 4th council.. I smile... Gonna meet Ferina in a few hours and everthing is all right

for us

Out of nothing

I have always wanted to bring you alive, through... a picture, an art piece. I tried to draw u.

Out of my dreams, my imagination, my heart and soul, my memories... my insanity and madness...

Out of all that are unreal and impossible, out of all those struggle and tears and fear and anger and sadness...

Out of love and despair

I tried to create a you that belong to me, and only me...
A you that only I know, out of memories that only I possessed

and I failed, so many times... cuz whatever I do, I know, I can't bring you alive, out of the paper, cannot warm those ice cold hands, cannot gaze upon those beautiful eyes, which have already shut eternally...

One night, I woke up and felt the unbearable urge to do something for us, not for u or me, but for us...


and maybe... sometime... there is only one thing left to say

I love you
love you till the end

come september

Her bones will ache

Her mouth will shake

And as the passion dies

Her magic heart will break

She'll fly to France

Cause there's no chance

No hope for Cinderella

Come September

Everything wrong

Gonna be alright

Come September

Her violet sky

Will need to cry

Cause if it doesn rain

Then everything will die

She needs to heal

She needs to feel

Something more than tender

Come September

Everything wrong

Gonna be alright

Come September

The souls that burn

Will twist and turn and find-

you in the dark

No matter where you run

She's made her mark

But lost her spark

And what she's pushing for

She can't remember

Everything wrong

Gonna be alright

Come September

Her eyes surrender, her cry a-

crying shame

Coming undone is she ever gonna-

feel the same

She will run

She's gonna drink the sun

Shining just for you

Instead of everyone

And so it goes

She'll stand alone

And try not to remember

Come September

Everything Wrong

Gonna be alright

Come September

sometime...

missing simply means you have already forgotten half

while

forgetting indeed hides a sky of longing for the past

sometime...

crying simply shows half of the pain on the surface

while

smiling indeed hides an ocean of frozen heartache

sometime...

loving someone only means you are half close to his heart

while

eternal separation... fills us with eternal loving

I miss you

but everything wrong

will be alright

come september

Tegar

come September... come come autumn... come come tears falling down like yellow leaves... come come exams... and a new day begins

with RUam

someone I can trust

Someone I can run to

with whom I can truly be... myself

(even when I am lost, I know she will find me, she will ALWAYS find me)


we eat from the same plates... share food... get fat together... laugh at each other's joke
cry over each others' tear

RUam & RAchel
2005-2006-2007-2008 and many years to come...

Thank you for who you are... simple as that, thank you, for whom I have become, because of your love for me, your kindness and foolishness. I dont believe in forever, nor do I think there is anything eternal when it's so hard to trust..., but for once, you give me belief in destiny and true friendship... thank you ^^

"Lucky"

I came across this song a few days back and immediately I smile, silly smile, smile of someone who thinks she knows better but she doesn't. I guess it's the smile of happiness, thinking of two particular love birds whose smile I could hardly stand (too cute to look away, yet I am too proper to keep my stare and admire the pure sincerity and happiness) So I sms the guy, 'cuz his gf has a good habit of losing her dear phone, up to a point, I have 3 numbers with the same name, none of which works... sigh. 

Hey there, yes, 2 of you, this song is tailor-made for you. I like it much and much more cuz it constantly reminds me of you. I wonder if you two enjoy this type of old-generation music, no Avril, no Simple Plan, haha, no screaming yearning... but yet, bear with me, this chilling and ... just happy, simple yet so happy song is a beautiful ending I hope to see you in.

LUCKY

by Jason Mraz

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR1kx0v53HM

Duong:

Do you hear me, 

I'm talking to you 

Across the water across the deep blue ocean 

Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying 

Rep:

Boy I hear you in my dreams 

I feel your whisper across the sea 

I keep you with me in my heart 

You make it easier when life gets hard 

Both:

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend 

Lucky to have been where I have been 

Lucky to be coming home again 

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 

Either (suit both)

They don't know how long it takes 

Waiting for a love like this 

Every time we say goodbye 

I wish we had one more kiss 

I'll wait for you I promise you, I will 

Duong:

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend 

Lucky to have been where I have been 

Lucky to be coming home again 

Lucky we're in love every way 

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed 

Lucky to be coming home someday 

Duong:

And so I'm sailing through the sea 

To an island where we'll meet 

You'll hear the music fill the air 

I'll put a flower in your hair 

Rep:

though the breezes through trees 

Move so pretty you're all I see 

As the world keeps spinning round 

You hold me right here right now 

Both:

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend 

Lucky to have been where I have been 

Lucky to be coming home again 

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 

Monkey in the strange, absurd land:

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 

Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Dear you,

I could not help but smiling and wish the second verse of this song will come true to you one day, of course I do think of the absurd coconut and the 2 of you running around it like any typical Bollywood movie... I mean, a day when you can be together. I understand it's extremely hard, to love someone so much, yet unable to cross the streets, walk the distance to touch your lover's hand, or simply hear her laugh, see the pinky blush color on her cheek. 

So I write this to you, inspired by this particular song that truly touch my heart (words of wisdom? no, take it as a few lines from someone who cares, who believes, who loves and believe she knows what love truly is about). Just so every time you feel beaten by prejudice, gossip and rumor, every single time you feel like letting go. Remember this, from me. I do save a space in my heart for you and you. Not shown, yet I care. I do

You are lucky, very lucky to have found each other and fall in love, to have touch the other person's heart and soul. How odd can that be? 2 years knowing one another, without recognizing he/she is the ONE for me. So lucky to be in love with someone who understands and cares, to be in love with your best friend. How odd can that be? 2 single souls in the world wide... like two tiny fish in the vast ocean. So congratulation, like finding your treasure, hold it close.

They really are clueless, absolutely no idea, how happy, bubbly it is to be in love and of course, they don't know how hard you guys are going through. And they don't deserve to know it, take it easy, dear, there are so much more objections, obstacles along the way. I don't wonder if you can make it, I believe if you really want it, and as long as you still have the other person's image engrave in your heart... one fine morning, you will wake up knowing this is the happy ending and a beautiful beginning

So, don't let go, ok? Not without a fight, and a good fine fight. 'Cuz when you look back, the winning battle is always sweeter. I wish you all the best

For Duong: lol in plain English, you are my true younger brother and thx for everything you have felt for me, as a non-related sister. I could not ask for more. Keep your passion flaming, keep your desire restless, and your dreams high. I am, a click away, a phone call. You will never, have to get depressed alone (my offer, your choice to press the button and we can talk ^^, craps or business)

For Rep: He is coming home. Take a deep breath, and think of him, when you open your eyes, his hands are within your reach. Alert me which street you two are crossing, 'cuz it's too embarrassing for me not to stare haha, at two smiling idiots who I love. Keep him wanting to go home, ok? You have a choice, to be unhappy and think "Damn another day WITHOUT Duong" OR smile and think "YAY, one day less to the moment we meet again" Keep yourself safe and sound. For a better day.

Long winded me should ends here before I sound like a good old whiny grand ma. May my blessing come to you, and btw, no need to shout each other name like the song... M1 cannot send your love, I am aware, lol. Why don't you deliver it, personally?

Chi Linh

p/S: this is NOT in my Vietnamese blog for one good reason, I dont want my uncles and aunts who constantly read my blog, to misunderstand and misinterpret anything... GOsh, how much trouble blog gave me, yet, the idea of sharing, passing the passion and love keeps me on. Take care.