for Fatty, the master of the house

it was a cat and you give it a name

it was a cat and you shower it with love - for the love it returns was no less, perhaps more than you could ever imagine

... and before you know it, there is no longer a cat, a dog, an ob_ect

he then has a name, a meaning, a space in your heart. 

And you suddenly wonder how ridiculously hard at first it was to let him in your heart, to open the door and greet him with warmth 

this is the story of a cat who became Fatty, U' and above all, this is the story of the very special one I love.

For you Fatty, my dear 

your elegy

---

when that particular cat came to my family, it was white, skinny and scared. That was all I could remember. For an only child like me, who never had a pet before, this experience was as new. I remembered we sat in front of one another. It stayed in second floor, hid behind the chair and stole one or two glances at the unfamiliar house - while I crossed my legs, sat on the floor, reached out my hands with hesitance. We were both scared of scratches and unkindness. We were both worried about re_ection. What was the difference? Fatty and I? We were two kids who desired love from the other party 

when that particular cat came into the family - we never knew how much we learned to open our heart, to love, to care. However, now looking back, it was not what we give but what we received from him that makes us all the better people. He would always wait till the last member of the family go to sleep before he truly drifted into the lala land. He would guard the house, scare strangers off and watch out for mom's wallet - which made me wonder if Fatty had an identity crisis, an illusion of him being a dog. He would crawl into my laps and let me hold him for a longer while, till I stopped crying, till I miss my particular some one less, till the pain that was weighing down my heart subsided. He would do hundreds and million things that annoyed the craps out of me. But every single thing that he made me a little too dramatically upset is every single gigantic thing I would miss and long for.

We could make him stay, but the doctor estimates, Fatty cannot hold on any much longer. Thinking about the needle and the pain he's suffering and our selfish longing, the imprisoned love -  we decide to let him go. Once again, we all realize that Fatty has taught us the most valuable lesson of all: to love with all our heart, but when it's the right time. we should let go.  So Mom's watching every breath he takes now... cuz every breath he takes can be his last. 'Cuz tomorrow when dad comes home from work, he would be greeted with an empty house. And in the future, when I return from the States, no matter how hard I call out his name: Fatty will no longer rush down the stairs, miss a few steps, land on his butt, make me laugh, stick all his white hair on my black coat... I would not be able to say with confidence: "Fatty will scratch your face off" to all those people I dislike very very much as if Fatty is my guardian angle. He would not be able to do every single little thing we love and hate about him. 

 I will remember today, December 24th, when I captured the last picture of fatty through Skype. it was blurry and he was too weak to stand up and walked near the laptop, too weak to mess up the keyboard and type whatever like usual. My mother has already arranged for his departure once he decides to go to the other side of the world. Fatty will rest next to grandma - so he will be loved even in heaven.

Because after all, it was no ordinary cat. He was no ordinary cat. He was Fatty. and for the simple fact that he was Fatty, he made everything different. He completes our family, in an unique way no one and nothing can.

Because we love him and he became Fatty. and Fatty - he, was the master of the house, the younger brother of mine, the dear kid mom and dad go home for when I am away, the perfect companion when i cry... he was everything we ever wanted - and someone who held this family so close so dear together.

I wonder if we love him because he was Fatty or he was Fatty because we love him

but it doesn't matter, dear :) even when you are not around anymore, you don't vanish. As long as mom, dad and I and the thousands of people who know us - know we love you still remember the 10kg white meaniee cat named Fatty - you are still here, in our heart

for Fatty, I pray, for your departure to the other world with ease. 

rest in peace. 

we love you so so so much, it's killing us to ever see you in pain