Christin

I wonder why every time I call out her name, I have this strong sense of security. But at this very moment, something else overwhelms me. It is not the pride and happiness which I always feel for her, but rather regret.

If only I could turn back the hand of time and do something right… I wish I could have… I wish I would have… I wish she would…

She was someone I would and I did distance myself from, someone who possesses an unwelcoming face, a rare smile, a grumpy “stay-away-from-me” aura. That was Christin of two years ago. I remember rolling my eyes if I met her on my way out of the hostel, during my sec 4 year. “It’s so going to rain, or something bad is surely going to happen” I used to tell myself each time I faced the sleepy and unfriendly Christin in the morning. Well, after two times being caught in the rain, not to mention losing my favorite book in the bus, I concluded that she was indeed my sign of unluckiness. 

I thought I knew it all, yet I did not know the miracle of life…was about to happen. I did not know on that fateful night, she and I, like two parallel lines would cross, we talked from 10 till 3. I did not know I would come to trust her and rely and her and NOT being let down even once. I also could not predict that in my future, she would be the one who scold me so much, force me to sleep early, also the one who was so skinny, so small in size would protect me from harm. Nor did I know soon in the future there would be more going out, gossiping, whispering, caring, hugging and studying till morning between me and her…

Yet all these things I thought would never happen actually came true. Whenever I think about it, I think about us, and I think about my life in 2008, she was better than my favorite dish in Aston, she was better than my silky black dress in Asean Dance, better than the Great Singapore Sale, better than musicals and movies. SHE WAS THE BEST SURPRISE LIFE BROUGHT ME...
And one of the WORST PEOPLE THAT HAD TO WALK AWAY FROM ME…
(Don’t worry she is just leaving from Australia, a better place, less stress, better shopping opportunities… better looking guys…)

Above all. I would never believe that her leaving us would bring this much agony, this much anger, this much helplessness and despair out of me.
Then I learn she was indeed a blessing I was so lucky to have. I hate her so much for being Christin. Hate her because she would scold the hell out of you but will care for you till the very end. Hate her because she would slap me pink so that I would wake up from my foolishness and stupidity. She acts as if she would not give a damn but indeed she was the MOST KAPO person among us and cares the MOST about those she loves. She is the most ridiculous girl I ever know who loves so much, cares so much, sacrifices so much yet unable to ever say the 3 simple words “I LOVE YOU”. I hate her most for she watches funny clips whenever her heart is shattered so that she can laugh and hold back her tears. Hey Christin, do you know how hard it is for me to watch you like that? How can I tell you, it is OK to cry in front of me, to scream and to scold, to cry without holding back? How can I ever tell you that, it’s not weak to cry… it’s human and you are not the supergirl you think you have to be. How can I let you know that you should act according to your feelings, not opposite?

This is my Christin. I wonder if I had told her how much I sincerely love her and how much I thank her for all she has done for me, for the strength she gave, for her slow… very slow reaction to dirty joke that never fails to make me laugh whole heartedly. I wonder if she knows how important she is to me and how hard it is going to be without her, with me fighting all these battle namely A-level and you-know-who-and-who-and who… alone. I also wish she knew I felt freaking happy and honor when she voluntarily hugged me (haha, she, who hates it so much)and when she came to me and cried. 
When I am in Vietnam, her text messages were my friend. Yet I cannot even meet her before she leaves Singapore. I cannot even lend her a hand to unpack and pack her 8 boxes into 6, share the joy of throwing away A-level notes and that few moments with her. I wish I had hugged her just a while longer before she left. 
So, farewell, my dear Christin! Though us, being schoolmates is short, it’s is only the very very beginning of our friendship. When I say friends I really mean it, I will do WHATEVER IT TAKES, to see you again and of course attend your wedding (whoever you marry, haha, bad bad luck him). 

If I ever do anything wrong that let you down, I am truly sorry. I am also sorry for not my prejudice (I wish I had become your friend 1 or 2 years before). And I am sorry for years to come when we are apart, I cannot be there for you whenever you need me. But I wish you good friends, happiness, success in life and above all love. INNOVA will never be the same without you but I promise I will stay cool ;), keep u update haha. I will do my best, beat that girl to top school in art ;) like you always said, make sure that stupid X of yours won’t do silly stuff (like dating Su) and keep my promise to meet u soon.
So girl, LIVE STRONG, we always do, ‘cuz we are CHRISTIN & MY LINH
We love and take care of ourselves, and we stay true to our Colors.
No matter what
You are my friend
Glad to have been there for u, and VERY indeed, VERY glad to know u ;)