4 years of walking the fine line between "standing out" and "fitting in", breaking a few fingers, having some faces off horizontal to the also-very fine ground
4 years with a few plus, a dozen of "extra plus"
Sit back and reflect
I have learned much, haven't I? the hard way out, as usual. Isn't it too typical of me to jump into the trap (with perfect knowledge of the existence of the bloody mtfk trap) just the test to sharpness of the claws against my animal instinct? 20 going on 21, within a blink of an eye. I am told I am still young. Yet to think youth comes along with the right to be reckless, irresponsible is a disaster, I beg to differ.
And a new path I walk, This time, to go back to where I come from, the the girl I was.
1. Past desire
I came back to Number 29, Nguyen Du Street, trembled. Shiver cold sweat in the middle of winter. My fingers danced along the hand rail to her room. her working place - my soul's hiding palace. When I was 7, I was taught poetry, literature by one of Vietnam's modern Ho Xuan Huong. Ms. Ho The Tan, whom I called grandma translated "To whom the bell tolls" "Animal farm" and her writing has shaped me who I am, how I write, how I approach literature today. Now that I study Lit, now that I master the art of PC poems, read between the lines - do I still have the heart of a writer (not the cruelty of the critic) the courage of the poet (not the bluntness of the coward editor to move up a higher level of creating Literature?
do i?
I trailed back past memories, how we sat together - me 7 ot 9, her almost 60 - adoring the sound of a word, seek the perfect twist for a plot, you know the things we do... There I grew up and there I walked away to loose myself. Talking to her now, Me, at my 20s her at her 80s, reminds me of how I once appreciated nature in lit, how I enjoyed descriptive writing. (now I loathed it, btw)
I am going back
We are having a new project... which will change the lives of both of us - we know it.
Since he passed away, she lost touch with Lit. Mr. Vinh, Vietnam's famous lawyer, her lover for life, her husband. They used to translate novels together, ponder the whole evening, giggling, laughing debating on the choice of words. Now that there is only her in the room, filled with past desire, past laughter, past epiphany, she quit. Who would want to rub acid into your raw open wound?
"Why did you quit, Linh? And why do you start, now?"
To find a partner in life, whom you can share little bit of private happiness, silly joy and hidden laughter. To be with that someone whom you admire, adore and love... I sinked in her chair, dream-ish at her suggestion.
"Why don't you and I coauthor the next translation of a book?" And I smiled, like a child. Here I go, baby steps, crawling back to the heart of Literature, learn from her, accompany my grandmother's friend, my first literature teacher. . .
We will start early March, after I finish 2 other films. I have not been given the book yet but we are doing two versions, the original English and the French. I am all excited...
And with my own fiction on the way... I am sitting on my bed, most of the day, with Fatty in my lap, sleeping like a baby - with his head on my ankle... snoring evenly
This is the life I love... Lonely Vespa ride, tiny bits of happiness, cut off cellphone which never has enough battery. I don't really need connection to the world just yet, when I cannot even find the connection to my own heart.
*****
Next post will be about Brushing Teeth -.-" and I promise I will make it worth your precious time.
P/S Bloody hell Star Movie is showing Twilight, and YES, bloody hell I am at the edge of switching channel. I don't get it - the chessy-ness, cliche 0.- . but nevertheless, reading translation is a good practice. I cannot wait to sharpen my skills ^^
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