Brushing teeth in the center of the world

Diving down to the rock bottom of my heart... days and months has passed yet I feel almost unconscious about the idea of time. It has become hard to figure out what's the date today, when all I have been doing is sleeping and reading and writing fiction. Sometime, you will see a turquoise Vespa rushing across the streets, with a long hair girl who now always wears sneaker or flats - with a pair of heels in the treasure box of the Vespa, waiting to be taken out and repalced- that would be me. I read like a starving kid eating for the first time after a horrid 1 week. Books that I bought but never had a chance to chew now pile up in the "already read" section. From South Korean writer to Canadian, Tablo, Audrey Niffenegger, Atwood, ... I read lyrics, strange jazz sent by Darryl. - still trying to memorize those hardcore Japanese music... Of course you will always want to sing your obsessed song beyond the chorus Tokiwo Tomete, don't you? Well I do.

I play with the water mark on my desk, writing out a name I loved, an issue that disturbed me to the core... or just a strange strange figure that hides the true meaning of my turbulence. It has been almost a month, or maybe more since I left Chiang mai. The emotion is raw, the trip was fabulous, the girl I love the foreign family who makes me feel as if I were just born there a year before Ruam, and had been living there a great part of my life.

But then again, as I promised I will talk about brushing teeth. I never quite get straight to the topic I always intended, don't I? What with Chiang Mai and Ruam? What's with what I have been up to? There is always a link. Life's like that, though vague, there is still a connection. Having said much, I should really fulfill my promise right now. It's laughable - but I enjoy this comaprision. Brushing your teeh in the center of the world.

*****

I watched More Than Blue with Chi Bi snooring evenly on the other side of the bed, somewhere in a hotel in Chiangmai. Depressing movie - which amazingly did not get me even close to tear up (outside or inside). In that mess of the desperate attempts to jerk tears out of auidience's eyes... there was a beautiful spark of wit. Cut the story short. Mr. A loves Miss. B desperately BUT he was dying -.-" typical Korean movie AND so he wants to marry her off to the next Mr. Perfect man. A thought B know nothing about his sickness and quiet suffering - well she does. SO, once asked what A's most desired wish is, he tells B nonchalantly: to see you married to a wonderful husband. Well, as room mate, lovers - brother-sister-ish for decades, of course B wants to fulfill her man's last wish. SO, she goes on and declare her love for Mr. P - i.e. the perfect man (I am telling you, I know you know, we know I have not that much interest in this plot -.-"" not at all, but it linked to the story I want to share, so I must tell - bear with me then). Unfortunately Mr. P was already engaged to Miss. Photographer - who of course canNOT care less about the marriage, being an artist herself. So A, under tha assumption that B loves P so so much. He goes on and begs Miss Photographer to give up the engagement -.-"

She will, under the ONE condition... Since his days are counted - i.e. he knows how many day left till he dies, he must let her take picture of him - an artist she is... such model with devastating story and background cannot be missed. SO SO SO... here was the line

She was poiting her camera into his face, shooting non-stop. He was annoyed to the core, trying to brush aside such intrusion to his private moment
She: What's love?
He:  ... - does not bother to answer
She:... - shoot even more pictures in his face -  What's love?
He: Love is like brushing teeth.
She: Huh? But, don't we brush teeth alone? (what she meant was that, brushing teeth is a purely individual act while love is mutal)
He: Yes! Precisely, you don't brush your teeth for the world to see, just like love, it's a private affair. When you love, you know it within yourself, isn't that enough?

The conversation, soacked in bitternes and boldness, struck me with a thought. Love - feelings - all that intimate beauty had been publically displayed. We see people kissing in the streets - Yes... minding my own business - We see blog entries with elaborated details upon WHAT we love, HOW we love... all that things - and I wonder...

How often have I? have we brushed teeth in the middle of the street?

When love is a private matter... love, hate, lover at his age - we can love each other like NO others today, sworn death and eternity tomorrow and within split second - like Margaret Atwood said, it all turns past tense. What was sweet turns sour. What was seemingly everlasting turns stupidity. So we swear and we scream and we shout and we make a big mess out of all. Brush your teeth in the center of the world. Such a vanity fair...

I was not an exception myself, having my heart displayed i.e. brushing my teeth in the middle of Orchard road, I guess, in pj and uncombed hair - I assume. Now that it all knocks sense into me. What belongs to the heart, stays within the protection of the heart.

... and for all that I care, all you lovers, please continue your act of public display of affection... public more those photos of kissing and touching and whatever-ing, I wish you well, wish to see these move soon in your onderful wedding picture... not torn and casted unwanted soacked with sour remark against one another... We all have loved each other once in your lives, don't we? Let love not be the pain.


I will brush my teeth at home, and walk out of the door, from this day one, greet the world with beautiful white teeth and refreshing breath. . . And this is just the life I want