How much I can love you

"Fan-girls are someone who cry for you, but move on to marry another man. That's how much they can love you"

- Drama "You are beautiful", 2009 - 

How much can I love you?

I wonder, how much can I care?

How much can my concern matter? 

While, I can't even be there?

I should not play the "victim" game - blaming the situation: "I am an iCassie, that's why I don't know much and can't do much for DBSK" I am really not that kind... Nor am I the kind of person who does not think in opposing arguments, weigh the pros and cons before giving my judgement. Why am I explaining myself at this moment in time, when it's not even me to apologize for my action.

I understand very well, there is NO point bringing the mood down, NO point updating depressing news, no point talking about sad stories/ law suit, cuz guess what? EVERY one there knows all craps that are going on. EVERY one updates the news from different sources, and EVERY one is hurt - in one way or another. EVERY one suffers, enough from external pressure (other fan clubs, other critics) But i just can't come laughing along and pretending I don't know, i did not read news.  I really just can't "let's not talk about it" and watch old clips to make myself temporarily feel better.

'Cuz guess what, even when we do NOT talk about it, it's still the truth, it's still there - the mess, the lawsuit, the suspension. 

But what's the point of talking about it? There is nothing we can do anyway. Join a petition? Join a project? Vote for DBSK? Twit till I drop? What else can I do? All of Meowen have been sad, hurt, their hearts ache, and they really do NOT need another depressed person to come over and remind them of their tragedy. 

It's this feeling that I hate the most... helplessness that I canNOT do anything significant, to solve my own heartache, not to mention easing theirs. It has been more than half a year since I came to CR. I came because of DBSK, but I stay because of Meowen. Many times I ask myself why do I keep coming back? I am not, by any means, that lonely to stay at home and stick with the computer. Meowens aren't just Cassie to me. There are times, I look at them and view them as friends - because some of them were for me when I hit rock bottom. Myra was there, Iva was there when my grandmother passed away. And That Meant The World To Me - I'll never forget that.

But I don't want to be loved for who I am not - a cheerful fan girl, an obsessed one who drool over DBSK hot pix? - no offence to those who are, cuz they are just as adorable. BUT That is just not me. That's never me. I can't just coat myself sugar while I am indeed bitter inside out. What should I do now? I was taught: it's better to be absent than making your presence a mood-spoiler. Till I am able to sort my heads out... I won't go around and bring others down.

It isn't about "how much can I love then" but rather "how much am I willing to love them"

I am sorry, I really cannot laugh for you.

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My-Linh's reply on DBSKnights.net translation of YH's father's comment on the lawsuit, "inspired by some fans' suggestion to the admin to clear the post.

"I don't think it's appropriate for the admin to remove this article for the sake of some fans.

True enough, I am also deeply devastated thx to this news. However, removing - depriving the other Cassies from knowing what the people - I don't dare call him an "insider" here - who probably knows more than we do, talk about the situation - is truly inappropriate.

DBSKnights is our trusted source of news because they report, share what's said, what's true, what's going on with DBSK

If this news does not please some fans, then they just have to grow up and deal with it. I am not happy, you are not happy, no Cassie can jump around with this news. But before bashing anyone, we should here from both sides - and apparently this is the opinion of the person who brought Yunho to life. 

So I thank DBSKnights for this news. I am really upset, but I will go and deal with it myself, rather than siding with anyone and bring down the other party.

Without this news, many of us will continue the false hope that YH and CM will join the other 3. Don't you want to see the situation for what it is NOT for what we all want it to be?"

________________________________________________

all said and more will be exposed in the future

now that I am very lost yet refuse to take side - whatever

now that I am trying t pull myself forward, without knowing how

here next to JJ, I will be found

waiting for YH, CM, JS, YC - DBSK

from this moment, till eternity

- whoever are fated, will find their paths crossed - no matter what, this is one thing I believe in - and I am damn sure, they are truly destined to be the fated 5