시간에 지쳐도 사랑에 아파도

He did not ask me a trick question yesterday. He did not laugh to his heart content, at the mere thought of my absolutely annoyed and frustrated face trying to figure out the answer yesterday. He did not send me the sweet goodnight wishes yesterday.

I saw it all coming. I laughed proudly at my ability to read people – men especially. However, my heart aches till this moment. Not for him - lol, He should not take that much credits for nothing but for the bleak picture of dating on earth.

He must be mad – lmao. At the age of 30, isn’t it hard to accept the rejection of a 20 year old girl? Surely he is desired by many. Surely he is proud at his ability, family background, the number of instruments he can play – and all that jazz. Surely he could not understand why I don’t line up in that long queue of girls who could not wait for his smile.

Midnight, an apologetic sms came too late to restore my last bits of grace and kindness for men. Aren’t almost all of them the same? Isn’t selfishness man’s infamous trait? I don’t forget, though I may let things slide. Number … some 2 digit number, that maybe something for me to remember him by. The list will go on.  Over-confident boys they are, who love me, chase after me not for who I am but for the triumphant and egoistic thought of being able to tame, to possess and control this wild soul. I am not ugly, in fact pleasant looking - some may even say pretty, I am flattered. I am not awkward, in fact confident and dignified. I can surely talk to anyone – if I desire to and I have manners. Don’t you wonder why I am still single until this moment? Especially at the peak of my youth?

I believe in weeks to come, his good intention, attention and crushes will soon crash like those ignorant waves smashing into hard – sharp – indifferent cliff.

If you have  never ever read my blog, never talked to me when I am freaking mad/out of my mind – in my better language English, never knew/memorized my 5km to-do/future plan list – all of which have priority over nonsensical dates… then don’t you even think of messing up your life by shoving it into mine. I am old-fashioned. I hate pretty and expensive coffee shop. I loathed watching movies for dates and I feel like vomiting when guys- who barely know me, do that thing they think they do best - sweet talk. For crying out loud... do I look stupid and naive - do I look like I will faint just because they pretend they care at all?

Since when love, relationship, all those precious and pure feelings have become this cheap and pathetic?

Never before have I been this sure and happy about my relationship status. Single.

Damn proud I am single.

시간에 지쳐도 사랑에 아파도