Rainy blue

rainy blue 


Without a soul in sight, and it's midnight.
Outside the telephone box, and it's rain.
I keep turning the overused dial
and suddenly my finger falters.

I'm drenched in this cold rain and
struck by a bittersweet memory: I'm
at the intersection on the road you take home
and suddenly, my steps stumble.

The headlight of a car that brushes by me
creates a lonely shadow
and I'm searching for your white car
when suddenly, I cover my eyes.

Rainy blue was supposed to have ended
Rainy blue, how far will you follow me?
And so to erase this image of you,
today, again, I am alone with the gentle rain.

The memories bound with the tenderness
of that time pours down upon this street.

It's a rainy blue, it's a rainy blue.
These dripping tears soak my shivering heart.
It's a rainy blue, it's loneliness---


credit: in bloom


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...and years after the day we parted, I will still remember my blue umbrella, too fragile to shield me from the tantrum of Britain misery, too small for the both of us: the hurtful me and the facade of you ... You weren't there and there is nothing we can do to change the fact that you weren't there when I needed you the most. I walked alone in the longest path back to my shelter. Without realizing, I walked away from the past... Though, sometime, drench in the rain, I still smile bitterly, thanking that fateful afternoon, when I finally grew up, and let go...

Bath, 2003

For some reasons, I do not wish to return to Bath again. I once loved Bath, loved the magical ring of flower, where I begged Ryan to give me a ride at the middle of the night, just to stand and made a wish, the one that did not come true, I can still recall. Simple things were made complicated back then. I was indeed too romantic. I guess I was much too young and the experience was much too painful for a 14 year old girl. I still keep that umbrella, though 6 years had passed eventfully. Never would I use it again or touch something alike, especially that particular color: sky blue, soft and gentle... There once was a girl in blue, blue umbrella, blue bag, a pair of wet blue shoes, wandering in Bath, searching for the memories of yesterday. 


Maybe I would not have thought of the abandoned blue umbrella again, if I did not get caught in the rain today, after exams... People were rushing to their shelters. Maybe I was the only weirdo who took her own sweet time in the rain. I smiled, for all wound will heal, all tears will dry up, all girls will mature - and maybe turn callous. As I sit comfortably inside my room now, open the window, breath in the familiar smell of Singaporean rain, I wonder: ... Am I ready yet? For more rains and storm - which I no longer avoid. They are my old friends... too familiar, too close...


Do you ever notice the smell of the rain? Of all, I love the one of Hanoi, loathe the one of Bath, indifferent to the one of Singapore... and long for the one of Perugia... How many cites have I passed? How many rain seasons have I gone by? Every time it rains, I recall bits and pieces of my childhood and the gone years... Of the laughter and wonders I shared with my father as a child, of the regret I will hold on for life for disobeying my grandmother...


"Bring an umbrella, ok?" - Now who will remind me such simple thing again? Who will care if I soak my soul in the rain? Who will silently put a raincoat in my bicycle basket for me? Today I stood in the middle of the crossroad... like a lost child.


Rainy blue...


I know you will follow me till the rest of my life, even when one day, I accept my chances of sunshine... Yet, watching my sorrow washed away in the rain, mirroring my reflection in pools of waters on the ground remind the past is real...


And that, thanks to rainy blue, I remember those tiny bits of happiness and sorrow, the combination of sweetness and bitterness that made me who I am today


.....


Am I ready yet? To write it all out?
I guess not... One day I will share it with you.


......


Rainy Blue and DBBlue


Shenzhen Concert is cancelled, more and more accuses and despicable lies... Guess what? You can't hang a person twice, the strong heart that was hurt once would never be hurt the same way again. I catch up with some DBSK news after my 1st week of exam... Ummm... too complicated! I shall not make any comment. As I said "I believe in them", I will keep my words till the end


When I said I will keep the faith, it was simply a promise on my part. I do not ask for anything in return from them - of course, how could I? I wonder why people are falling apart so fast. Declaring that you are no longer a fan - LIKE WE CARE - I guess to a large extent DBSK care. But whoever is meant to stay, will stay with DBSK no matter what. Shinwa's fan have been with them, waiting for Shinwa for the odd 5-6 years, celebrating Shinwa's 10th anniversary. Such love is admirable, for fans ask nothing from each members... Hottest need to learn from Cassies to protet in a more mature manner, but Cassies still need to learn from Shinwa's fan the patience and devotion to their idols. I am not buying all the news from SM - read with a head on your shoulders, stop making noises. It's annoying. Allkpop has started to become my source of laughter nowadays, in the most cynical way. It is pretty fun to watch those pretenders acting AS IF they care, as if FAITH means something to them, as if ... Amazingly I don't feel hurt by their comment anymore. Shallow! One word depicts their traits - that's all.


Still, in this silence, I understand much and learn so much more about press, mass media and something ugly called greed. Whatever happened, Yunho always said, treasure the experience, for even in loss and failure, we learn something valuable. 


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Song of the day: Rainy Blue...
I wonder if I ever cross my pride to revisit those abandoned places of the yester-years. We don't have much time anymore, you know? I am going off and I won't come back... What becomes of us? I am not sure. . . Are we both too proud?


Or it is just me?