a foreign number
a huge smile on my face
...whisper to the wind
it's gonna be ok
............................
1. on the run
Salty water from the sky soaked my thin jacket. I have been in black ever since. Black, black, blank out. The bursting sound of the alliteration "b" makes me ponder upon certain incidents. I walked in the rain, no rush, no worries, no fuss...
Are you insane?
No, I am not, but I want to be
like we used to be running in the rain, the 4 of us, Christin, Fanie, Cindy and I, running in the rain, splashing heaven's precious tears, completely ignorant of what future might behold.
Now are are not the same, pale and colorless, buried alive underneath the piles and piles of notes. Isn't it tragic? That we desire not the warm sunshine but the rain of the yester-year? the forgone laughters and the innocent games?
I walked against the winds. When the gale is at its peak, I am getting ready for the race now. Get set... The moment the storm embraces my frame, we shall begin. Blood and sweats, tears of victory or failure, all these moments of despair and happiness
were coming back to me. They no longer hurts, or bring me down... Like the sweet reminder of the bitterness I have tasted, they greet me wholeheartedly
4 years... sickening competition, sickening social complains and unreasonable demand, who remember that child with the huge eyes gazing upon Orchard Road, admiring the very place later on she could not wait to get out? I will miss Singapore, I am grateful for this place... but these speeches are redundant now.
till the end of the race
................................................
2. Insa 884
I guess in my small bubble of happiness, my daily dose of serious and nonsensical talk with Cassies, my dearest friends have helped me spread my "insa". I am leaving for a month. Fandom has been great, when Harang is drunk, Tiff is firm enough to make sure doggie does not hum the wrong victim. When Fara and I need to study for exam, Nezz will encourage us to flung all the stupid tests... Just recalling all the moment we share, all the smiles and laughters warms my heart. You have been there for me when my heart breaks a tiny bit. You have seduced me to look at Yunho in a perverted manner which never fails to make me laugh. You have been always there, in both sunny days and gloomy nights. It is so hard to say goodbye. Already at this moment, I have felt the loss, thinking of missing out so much laughters and tears, tight grips across the world
I am so sorry I am leaving at this critical moments when every news is another heartbreak, every truth can be a lie. I regret, I will not be there anymore, in my bubble of fandom...
Tintin, my dearest Xeanne asked me what I thought of Yunho's silence. I said I did not know, but I knew in my heart, I had the answer. Like a deluded girl in love, I gave him the benefit of doubts, that, till he speaks up, explains, I will not doubt him. THis is all I can give, this tiny support. isn't it so easy? To lose faith to whine whine and whine about how hurtful you feel... Well, how dare I say I am hurt and sad, I was not the one who was pain 1% of the amount of money I made, I was not the one who was trapped in a merciless company for 13 years, I was also not the one who had to go to hospital for overwork. How dare I make noises as if I KNEW what is going on.
For the fact that I am not in this mess
For the fact that I believe: even though you can't see the bottom of the ocean, it does not mean you should underestimate the strong currents within.
For the fact that I am sure if I am hurt 1, he must me in pain 100x
For the most crucial fact that I really really love him
I am not doubting any one in DBSK. Final stance, till I hear their voice speaking up, I shall not let the media plays with my emotion
Just a note for Iva: One thing I want to make it clear, I don't believe Iva is human. I am sure this particularly talented Czech movie maker must be made out of sugar and honey. Sweet and kind, naive and ... emotional, Iva was one of my first acquaintances and proudly I announce today, she is truly a friend in my heart. I am not gonna be there every time to make sure u are not sobbing over JJ-one-sided-love, I am not gonna share link, and amazing fics for a while. But hey, if I watch a DBSK clip, I will think of Iva. If I listen to Insa, I will think of Iva. So smile, OK? Laugh my share of happiness also ^^ I really gonna miss u
And I receive your day1 letter also, sweetest thing ever, all the way from Czech. You made this rainy day in Singapore shine.
..............................................................
3. Rummy
I found Rummy blog, "beautiful thing" in a "rainy night", home for the soul of the wanderers like us. On my road to find myself, I find my soul mate. I loath this life here, but I am thankful, for I met you. So even though I have been hurt, I have cried, I have wished I had never gotten tricked into this scholarship, it all pays off, cuz I have met Ruam
...............................................................
4 Gonna be OK
... for all said and done, I am gonna be OK ^^
... DBSK is gonna be OK
... Cassies are gonna be OK
... Rummy is gonna be more than just OK
things will get better, cuz if it has not finished raining YET, if I am still soaked and trapped in my school, well, it's not the end yet
waiting for rainbow ^^
4 comments:
Oh my sweet sweet Linhiee~~~ ♥ ♥ ♥
Your words are so encouraging~ ♥ ^^
I know why I love you so much~ ^^ ♥ ♥
It doesn´t matter if it´s raining or it isn´t, me, Cassies, DBSK, friends - we all will become your eternally shining sun and in times when it´s pouring rain, we will become your umbrella. Never, NEVER, believe that you´re alone, it´s the worst lie ever~ We´re here for you, waiting with open arms and warm smiles~ ^^ ♥ ♥ You´re too precious~ ^^ ♥ ♥
I´m sorry I haven´t written a "Day 2" but I had emotions overload yesterday xD. Because I´m preparing for a new MV, and if everything is going to be like I imagine it NOW,... (:D) I found the more important part of music that´s going to be used in it and it´s such a... It´s a song that makes people have emotion overload. ;DD So I´m very sorry, I´ll write "Day 2 summary and Day 3" today~ ♥ Wait for it, sweetie~ And I´ll probably start creating the MV at Saturday (I´ll try to study hard until that day ^^) so don´t get excited too much, but you still can look forward to it a little~ :D ^^ ♥♥
HAHAHA, I´m not human. xD
Anyway (human or not) I´m doing fine... (now ^^;) :D it´s 7:03am (writing this sentence), I still have to go to school. But every Thursday we start one hour later so it´s not so hot yet~ After I finish writing this, I´ll get dressed. (xD) (and hey, I´m not naked, just in my pajamas xD) I did very good at school yesterday~ ! ^^ I don´t know what system for marks do you use in Singapore/Vietnam but in German test I had 90,71% out of 100% (I don´t like German and it´s still a bit uncomprehendable for me.. so... happy~ ! ^^) and also got the full score at verbal examination (or how you´re supposed to say this in English ^^;) from Czech plus another full score at Physics test~ ^^ But huhu, I´m not so sure about the Latin test we wrote yesterday, not because Latin is hard but because the thing we had to translate to Latin was a kinda hard for us to do in Czech. And if the basics are bad, imagine what the result could be. xD Haha, I´ll pray it hadn´t gone wrong THAT much. ;DD
Oh, shouldn´tt this be written to the "Day 2-3"? ^^;
*thinking*
*ending*
;DD
I´l write much much more today in the evening~ ;DDD ^^ ♥
With love and always there for you (even if you can´t see me standing next to you ^^)~
Iva~ ^^
♥
BTW~!
YOU´RE SOOOOO SWEET AND CUTE ON THAT PHOTO~
*kyaaaing*
*kissing the screen*
*confesses to the screen*
*...*
*no response*
xDD
Huhu, my childiee/friend/lovely Cassie/part of my heart is SO lovelyyy~~~~ jjang ;DD <333333333333333
thx!!! i hope jonghyun will get well soon! ><
lol my poem is actually one part of a song,, i just translated it (:
guess its the heavy rain nowadays...everything is all blurred and im so lethargic )':
Take care too alrite! love u!
Things will work out <3 <3
Gosh, I was so drained, I was so afraid, so very, very afraid.
I didn't know what to say, things had happened so fast - a sharp turn from their success to a foreign place I couldn't place my finger on.
Like you, I believe in Yunho, and Changmin too. No matter what, the signatures real or not, he will had a good reason for it. I'm pretty sure it's not because I'm bias and I just sided him more, but I just plainly believed he wasn't the leader for nothing.
I had been fighting hard for the "dream" that I had promised you I'll fight for.
I didn't know to explain the emotional waves I'm swimming in, I had relied on Jaejoong for the past years, I need him to keep going, and I was so afraid that if they went for separate ambitions, I might not know how to live on anymore. He's the reason why I carry on, despite how ugly the world is, despite failing and failing, falling down, once, twice...
What if I won't be able to reach to him anymore? What if I couldn't even had the chance to see him perform live? What if I didn't have the chance to scream his name along with "Sarangheyo!" while he's singing his hearts out?
I'm so lost, and nobody is there to guide me back on track.
I had been crying for everyday ever since that news came out. I'm breaking, I don't know how to react if it's bad news during the 12th.
I'm sorry for being so negative here, when I'm always here, talking how much we should carry on keeping the faith. It's so ironic that, I despite telling others to "keep the faith", in the very end, now, I seemed to be the weakest of all.
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